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Patterns On The Wall (for wesley, who likes rhymes)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Wed, 2012-03-07 14:08

Patterns on the Wall

by: c.m. mattison
When first you awaken
to the patterns on the wall,
They'll take you down the back stairs,
they'll lead you through the hall.
Like Alice's "Wonderland"
falling down a hole;
Then back through the looking glass,
in search of your soul!
And who could tell by looking,
at those patterns on the wall
That it really never mattered,
no, it mattered not at all?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
a poem from my manuscript, Mirror/rorriM
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

wesley snow

Wed, 2012-03-07 15:05

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You are too precious. Let me understand... did you write this? Is "Mattison? a pen name or another poet. I'd like to think you wrote this because it's a kick.
Tell you a secret though. I love Lewis Carroll, but like 5% of all people Alice in Wonderland freaks me out. I can burn through my anti depressants with just a couple of chapters.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-07 19:54

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c.m. mattison is my real name. the c.m. stands for Caitlin Michole (Michael is how micole is pronounced)

I'm glad you got some enjoyment from this little rhymed poem. Thank you :) I'm a Lewis Carroll fan too and Alice In Wounderland is a freaky book!

always, Cat

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China Blue

Wed, 2012-03-07 16:12

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Cute quick light
I see Wes has read it
@ Wes Mattison is Cat
Chrys

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-03-08 11:21

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Thanks, Chrys! Glad to see you here.

love, Cat

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emogothgirl

Wed, 2012-03-07 16:33

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i definitely see how wes would love this :) loved it. last four lines are my favorite!
always,
mag

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-03-08 11:23

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Thanks for reading and giving me your opinion :)

always, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-03-08 02:57

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And with such a charming gem of a poem, wonderful Cat, just right and an added joy for me is the pattern on the wall, I love cracked walls and their evocative fantasies, those they inspire in my mind, I have a collection of photographs of such strange things.

Wonderful Cat love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-03-08 11:26

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Thank you for your enthusiasim over my poem. I would love to see your photographs!

love, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

judyanne

Thu, 2012-03-08 10:49

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What did you think of my title? - like it - either that or 'when first you awaken'
How was my language use? - great descriptive - i too went down the back stairs and into the rabbit hole with you in my imagination...
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? loved it - just enough off iambic, but still with the rhythm enough to encourage a feeling of unbalance
eg - at the lines
'When first you awaken'
and 'Then back through the looking glass'
and 'in search of your soul'
- gives a lovely skip in the rhythm at just the right moments of the write
How does this theme appeal to you? - i'm biased - a great carroll fan :) so the message delivered with the allusions to his book - well it's a foregone...
How was the beginning/ending of the poem? - first two and last two lines could stand on their own - excellent beginning and end imo
Is the internal logic consistent? - absolutely

cat this is awesome
i relate so to this write

and your rhyme and rhythm are so spot on
- those patterns on the wall - oh yes
and after the crazy journey...
- just love
'They'll take you down the back stairs,
they'll lead you through the hall.
Like Alice's "Wonderland"
falling down a hole;
Then back through the looking glass,
in search of your soul!'
- it doesn't matter, does it?
it is all learning

oh i so love this write
i have waffled haven't i
i have just sat here for the last 15 minutes reading it over and over

hugs
judyxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-03-08 11:36

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It is a great pleasure for me to receive a visit from you! Your critique is a special gift to me :) Did you see "Alice in Underland"? I found it kind of creepy. Although it appled in a very strange way and I'm mad about Johnny Depp. What did you think? I'm more of a traditionalist and prefer the original story.

Thanks for the fine critique!

always, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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judyanne

Fri, 2012-03-09 10:14

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i watched it on a flight from perth to sydney
i am an enormous fan of johnny depp
- except maybe just now with the rumour he's let angelina jolie mess up his marriage - i was relying on him as seeming to be the last bastion of a decent hollywood-husband :-(

but i only watched it for him - it was really lost on me - fell flat, and alice was so insipid imho

much much prefer the original
much much prefer the book!

love and hugs
jiudy xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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