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THE PATIENT JUDGE

Submitted by Chiori on Mon, 2018-05-28 11:55

You are the patient judge
In your ticking throne you sit and smile
As yesterday lives us behind we cry
For a reincarnation of a new sun to come
In the morning of our life u tick, tick, and tick
for the afternoon makes u laugh
you laugh and laugh and laugh
as the day lives a wrinkling mark on us.

You are the patient judge
When we hurry for the cultivation of our mind-seed
And to catapult our ripen dreams
But you’ll never wait a dime
Till our strength is being replaced with old age
Then we fold our hands and sit in the couch of emptiness
When our legs shivers to your drums
Which opens the pace for the new offspring to come.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Jackweb

Mon, 2018-05-28 17:13

Jackweb's picture

So interesting, it reveal the routine rays of the sun. Each morning and day, the sunset begins his assignment...spreading its rays. Though sometimes the torrid sunset becomes harsh on us:

'as the day lives a wrinkling mark on us.I believe that was the reality of the sun set.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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