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Paramour

Submitted by Seren on Sat, 2014-06-07 11:36

I watched the yellow
ripple in your reflection,
and as it danced on water
it was mirrored in sense

Dreams quivered
in plunging tears
but a falling stars
rare effulgence
revealed this sub rosa

That tripping shadow
moving into the night
carries your secret
bound into desire,
a paramour of night

Still, watching,
her bowed head stitched
into the shadows edge
always regretting the stab
of never knowing love

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

alidzain

Sat, 2014-06-07 15:26

alidzain's picture

if only I have half of your writing skill my dear, I would be a happy man. Bless you dear, you never fail to mesmerize me with your delicate art. This is no different. Good job.

love and hugs
Alid

Seren

Mon, 2014-06-09 10:17

Seren's picture

I was just playing with this story hun not all my poems are autobiographical lol I am very happy you liked it though...thank you

love and hugs Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2014-06-07 19:13

Ian.T's picture
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As usual a great piece of writing, good to see you on top line again after your break.
Next time don't stay away for more than 23 hrs as we will miss more writing from you lol.
Just jotted one down for the stream but it has only been 15 hrs since my last one so I will await the dawn, or your evening of the next day (As the bible says) lol.
Take care and have a lovely Sun day,
Yours as always Ian & the children

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seren

Mon, 2014-06-09 10:19

Seren's picture

I am still working on this one so any and all suggestions would be wonderful, I will have a look in stream for your latest before I go to bed, and I will pop in as and when I can...I miss you guys too hugs

with love always Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

BettyBuff

Thu, 2014-06-12 08:59

BettyBuff's picture

Hiya JC!

Long time no chit chat...so busy with getting on with life...guess what? I'm going to be a Grandma in the new year...messed with my head for a few weeks "I'm far too young to be a Gran! etc etc....now got over myself and excited!

Now, this poem..." her bowed head stitched into the shadows edge."...lovely use of extended metaphor...still got it babes.

Must get writing again, when I read your stuff it inspires me.

When are you swinging by England? Use Airbnb...get over here chuck!!!

I do a GREAT B&B!!! LOL

Ells xxx

Seren

Thu, 2014-06-12 10:41

Seren's picture

Heya Ells,

Gosh, where do I start, bugger it, lol, I will fill you in another time you don't need to know the woes of my world smiles ;), OMFG !!!! A NANA Congratulations darlin !!!! sigh I cant wait to be a Nana but then there's another story there as well.... sheesh lol...I have to have some surgery next week but after that I have made some plans and they involve some travel but not to the UK unfortunately, maybe next time round I will get there

I will hold you to that B and B lol sounds amazingly wonderful

love Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment
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