Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

paradise that or this

Submitted by lovedly on Sat, 2016-01-30 22:29

Paradise that or this

that paradise is no illusion
its pure and simple your imagination
darkness
when you cannot see with open eyes
what will you do there
with no eyes

now read my version below
read it breathless
in one go
or punctuate it if you wish to do so

and god gave us sight to see things bright had he intended otherwise he would have given us no eyes who would then ever appreciate what in nature god did create don't it all annihilate seek wisdom come out of the tunnel of darkness see the parrots and butterflies flight see clear stars if need be in broad day light get out of the darkness will ye god will feel sorry

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Sat, 2016-09-24 14:49

Esker's picture

I know you are talking of spiritual seeing
here...
a good musing of goodness Lovedly
in a world progressively becoming
more mad...shootings and people
young people dying from the pressure
of ruthless souless bullying
yet the good help those opressed
God hates evil doers
and opression
He sees the hearts of blackness
those turned to do Sins work

My eyes have seen much
and although all the badness
makes me sad I never give
up encouraging those
others about me
never stop helping those
trying
although I do despite those
that step on others
for their own sick entertainments

a great poem
Thank U!

lovedly

Sat, 2016-09-24 20:56

lovedly's picture

you still encourage all
that i can clearly see
believe in God if you must
I don't direct
but simply seem to suggest

take it with a pound of salt ,
if need be
now perhaps kg
grateful esker
for the read

author comment

Esker

Sat, 2016-09-24 21:10

Esker's picture

frank speaking...
I was so busy helping people here in real time
some need it more then others
and find it easy to direct those to help them
But by doing so I have learned to Cover my
ass by watching how they cover theirs...
i used too say
"Oh it doesnt matter..you are right.
my work is stupid....I will delete my poem
change it too suit U..."
"Oh it doesnt matter...take my five dollars
that I was going to buy a coffee and sandwhich
and bask sitting with the beauties at the mall...
U need it for your own pleasures...."
"Oh it doesnt matter...I had that day lined up
for sitting and listening to a concert...I will
instead spend it cleaning your apartment
and running all your errands too save you
money from the bus and exertion..I will
neglect putting in my paperwork and be late
but yours will be in..."

when I started to ask these people too give
me five bucks....run in the rain to put in my
paperwork...give me in fair trade their last
cup of coffee.How the whinning proceeded
I was a ghoul to ask them..How dare I..
so I stopped being the caring person..
ho ho...they came around....I got the trade
thing all down pat now!

and now...I can still manage to look after
them...they are after all bright...masterful
of the moves....brilliant crafty minds that
I am learning much from..
and they do share....otherwise I would
have thrown them under the bus long
ago..
ha...

now I crank out comments as much as
I do my work...surpise suprise..
unsurp
rise up
speak
not roll over and beg
wear the dog collar
ha..

I bark and growl

anyway yadda dabba do
keep up the work
I do read
and will comment
it is delightful to get
comments
its only human
thankfully we put up
works to do this
..kind of hard
to comment on nothing

Thank U!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.