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Our Graduation

Submitted by alidzain on Wed, 2015-05-27 21:52

In the album of my life
memories of us
will continue to sparkle,
the precious gem
of yesterday.

Through the hard times,
you at my side,
guiding me with
unyielding patience.
You're a fountain
for a thirsty lost soul
in need of guidance.

The springtime of youth
that we shared,
our silly quarrels
and our make peace,
messing with your hair
laughing and dancing,
vivid images in my mind

I loved you
but I understand
I can only be a friend
go on, fly high, be free.
Reach for your dreams
be proud, be strong
be you glorious be.

Someday we'll meet again,
for now our story ends
on our last day together,
our graduation.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

emeka ozurumba

Mon, 2015-06-01 05:19

emeka ozurumba's picture

in strength , your poetry matures very translucent of the very great poet you are

alidzain

Mon, 2015-06-01 06:41

alidzain's picture

thanks for the visit and the comment.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Sat, 2015-06-06 13:45

Sparrow's picture
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This write is very good, now I look at it from an Asian point of view, then I feel that the joining of the Spirit is harsh.
Unless I am wrong, I think you stepped outside of your normal thinking to write this.
I would love to see it written as something like a sonnet where you can make the "quarrel" become a little less strong, still a quarrel, but thought on a line such as a way of being individual.
I will have another look at this and try to seek out the gentle tones,
Yours as always, Ian..
Take care young Alid and know we are here)

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Sat, 2015-06-06 05:58

alidzain's picture

it is just as the title suggested. The scene is that the writer is graduating from high school and he loved a girl who is one of his closest friend and has been helping him to face the hardships in his life. Unfortunately, she only likes him as a friend, so he doesn't want to persuade her to accept him. the quarrels, the laughter and the playing of hair are reminisence of their moments shared together and no on that graduation day, they did not fall apart as they are still friends. I believed that when you are close to someone, you can quarrel with him/her and it won't affect your friendship.
I get the idea for this write from my favourite japanese group, Speed, and the title is My Graduation. I've read the translation in English and decided to write this piece.

Alid

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