Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Obsession (updated)
Obsession
having observed her
he staggered into
cavernous infatuation
falling into the mysteries
of her soft lines
and sharp angles
her periods of
alternating melancholy
and indifference
vexed him to no good end
setting off feelings
of trepidation and isolation
despising her attentions
to any other subject
than their mutual adoration
greed for her singular attention
was monumental in nature
dread of losing her
sent him into spasms of distress
he did not tumble into
soft billowing cushions
of sheep shaped clouds
no- he careened into
their wild union
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
China Blue
Wed, 2012-02-08 11:33
Cat
he despised how about despising instead
drop the his in front of greed
dread of etc
it is already understood it is HIS we are reading about
and this would eliminate repetition
substitute careened for something else as you have already used that at the start of the poem
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-02-08 11:57
Thanks Chrys,
I have utilized your very welcome suggestions. I think I have a better poem because of it as it reads much better now. Thank you for taking the time to read and critique :)
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Wed, 2012-02-08 20:40
Exasperation ,
breathless
just reading it
his stress is understandable ...
.....cavernous infatuation======just marvelous
loved
loved
Wed, 2012-02-08 21:00
Exasperation,
Breathless
just reading it
his stress is understandable ...
.....cavernous infatuation======just marvelous
'''Mingled with
Her life's blood
On my lips lingers...
Her one and only
Dark heart
Belongs to me.''''Cat...
Superb just awesome...
I visited your site
One summation about poetry
that I have learnt is,
the less a poetry /poem is understood
the more myriad views it throngs
in the throes of the human
unaccomplished mind
It leaves one with a gaping jaw
trying to comprehend
what the poet installed
in the mind's eyes
Read me some day,
dispassionately …
with wide open eyes,
I have decades behind
me as evidence
loved
loved
Wed, 2012-02-15 10:55
Left out
rather uusaual
Cat
loved
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-02-15 11:03
Dear Loved,
I see, from your quotation, that you have visited my "eddy styx web site"! Thank you so very much for taking an interest and the time to do so!
always, Cat (& eddy)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Thu, 2012-02-09 04:18
Cat
I could feel the obsession dripping out of every pore, as I read this. loved it all.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-02-13 12:12
Thanks, Lou,
I find you to be a great supporter of my work, and a dear friend.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
wesley snow
Tue, 2012-02-14 22:12
A single sentence poem...
... almost. This was something of a minor virtuoso piece. I don't much care for the newish fad of "prose poetry", but this is much closer to the old fairy tale forms of single sentence poetry. I love it.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-02-15 10:58
Dear Wesley,
I've never heard of "single sentence poetry" until now. This is just a style I was experimenting with. I'm glad to know that you liked the poem. Thank you for visiting my poetry and reading. Your comments and critique are always welcome here.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.