Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Nothing is forever ....as you already know

Submitted by lovedly on Sun, 2014-07-27 14:33

That you know nothing
is forever
nothing much
about us is known

this universe is a vast home
mundane for those who so want to feel
for those who follow
only there is no reprieve

I gently seek indulgence
of now
and
here

What is beyond, beyond
I don't know
nor,
do I fear

Know me just as a passer by
you will
as much as I will
all shall pass by

none has ever come to stay
death is inscribed on the very day
birth becomes profound
and
your parents
in a physical form
have you now around

Seek me not,
I am just a passing one
mean no harm
to anyone

seek my mind
for known wisdom
imagination is all
I have

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Mon, 2014-07-28 00:03

You have attempted to delve into the journey from life to after life. I suggest that you narrate it as a thought in a passive tense rather than personifying it because everyone goes through those phases...just a suggestion...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

lovedly

Mon, 2014-07-28 11:25

lovedly's picture

into passivity
from intense Canadian activity
shall try as u suggest it
but how passive?

author comment

lovedly

Mon, 2014-07-28 23:07

lovedly's picture

on another site

381 read it on day one
on this site only
Ian and at times
tis you
So I'll let it be
as active
than passive
We must be always
Be in action
then no tension

author comment

raj

Tue, 2014-07-29 01:22

That we know nothing
beyond us
is forever more
than is known

this universe a vast domain
may be mundane who don't feel at home
so gently seek indulgence
here and now

What is beyond oblivion
of the unknown
let us not fear

as a passer by
revel in the known
as it passes by

none has ever come to stay
death is inscribed on the very day
birth becomes profound

mean no harm
seek wisdom of the known
with power of imagination
Thy kingdom may come

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Ian.T

Tue, 2014-07-29 04:23

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

the title needs attention, then you can lose the last two lines it reflects a limited belief that some people hold.
We would know more of people and begin to enjoy more facets to life if only more people spoke to each other.
This is where the advent of computers and texting has benefitted mankind, but it could be misused.
Go well young Bard and know I do read most of everyone's works but haven't the time to comment on them all,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- your pic and update on your profile would be good LOL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lovedly

Tue, 2014-07-29 11:05

lovedly's picture

I just noticed the typo correcting it
Last lines will go as u say so
how about raj's version
what do u say
I will post it again later as raj's and my combination
hope raj is looking in

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.