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THE NIGHT SKY

Submitted by Trail on Sat, 2023-04-01 06:30

The night sky is also blue
This simple observation
Has touched me profoundly
How is it in all these years
I am just noticing this?

Whenever the world seems to overpower me
I now take a look at these things
That I have known all my life
I look at the leaves of the trees
At the flowers
And these hills I have known since childhood

There are days I feel insignificant
That all this pain I have endured
Even the joys I have experienced
Will mean nothing in the end

But I've seen the red of dawn
And the magic of sunset
I have seen lightning dance in the horizon
As the smell of wet earth hangs in the breeze
I have laughed and cried
And I'm glad for all of it

The night sky is also blue
Now I know this
I shall wait for the full moon
With a heart that's content
A. SWANTALALA

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-04-01 06:30

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/10

"The Night Sky" is a reflective poem that explores the beauty of nature and the impact it has on the speaker. The poem begins with a simple observation - that the night sky is also blue - and this observation leads the speaker to wonder how they could have missed such an obvious fact all these years. This realization touches the speaker profoundly, and they begin to see the world in a new light.

Throughout the poem, the speaker reflects on the beauty of nature and how it has helped them find solace in difficult times. They look at the leaves of trees, the flowers, and the hills they have known since childhood, and find comfort in their familiarity. Even when the speaker feels insignificant and doubts the meaning of their experiences, they are able to find hope in the magic of the natural world.

The poem's strongest moments come when the speaker describes specific details of the natural world, such as the red of dawn, the magic of sunset, and the smell of wet earth. These moments are evocative and help the reader to connect with the speaker's experiences.

One line that could benefit from a slight edit is "As the smell of wet earth hang in the breeze." The verb tense doesn't quite match the subject - "smell" is singular, but "hang" is plural. A possible edit could be: "As the smell of wet earth hangs in the breeze."

Overall, "The Night Sky" is a contemplative poem that encourages readers to appreciate the beauty of the natural world and find solace in its familiarity.

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Abby

Sat, 2023-04-01 10:08

Interesting concept. I liked

Interesting concept. I liked the ending in particular. Well done overall.

"To fly is to fall."

Trail

Sat, 2023-04-01 10:47

Thanks Abby

I'm really glad you enjoyed my poem and you were kind enough to leave a comment.

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2023-04-03 06:01

Gorgeous

It’s absolutely beautiful. I can smell the ozone on the air during a rain storm. I picking up on the metaphor with feelings. Sometimes they’re torrential and other times can be difficult to access. They tend to come and go like thunderstorms. They can be loud or flashy or drenching but in the end there’s the feeling like things have been cleansed.

You’ve got wonderful language here. I like the reiteration of your opening theme. Simple observation over the magic lost in the daily fray of existence is very centering and mollifying.

I loved your poem
Tim

Neopoet

THE NIGHT SKY