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A Night In The Forest

Somewhere in the trees,
a hooting owl greets the night
restless bats take flight

Spying on the moon,
a young crow is mesmerized
by her great beauty

Where fireflies gather,
tiny merry lights linger,
teasing the shadows

While the crickets sing
celebrating the dark hour
with their own rhythm

The night comes alive
with the sound of hunting beasts
fighting or survival....

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked this chain of Haikus immensely. wherein you have captured the activities of the night very nicely...

A few suggestions:-

In Line 1 of last haiku you have changed the tense from present to past
try changing "an the Sun's absence, because the preceding line already indicates Sun's absence...

It is a co-incidence that I have written and posted something on a similar theme minutes ago :)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for the visit and comments. Done the edit. Hopefully this is better. Now I'll be checking on your latest posting.

Alid

author comment

Nicely tweaked up Alid..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

couldn't do it without you.

Alid

author comment

They do not form a sequence. You may post several haikus but they not connect their themes. Each one is and individual.

They are
are all good in their own right but this is a poem, not a haiku.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

for the lesson. I've changed the title.

Alid

author comment

Jess was right the Haiku is a profound statement, in 17 syllables, read up on the Japanese way of writing it will then become clear to you, just put Haiku in the search engine and off you go, good write all the same, will look forward to both your Japanese writing and the poetry you always write,
Yours as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I will be a bit tied up for the next 2 to 3 days due to work, so I don't think I'll be writing for awhile. Err can you tell me the poems which you link with Digit. The ones written about Killer (Gee's) and to Nevermore (Carrie's) killers. When I have the time I want to check on them to know their stories. Can't have my Dr Chaz go facing all of you fellas without a clue. lol.

Alid

author comment
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