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NEVER ENDING ROADS
I've traveled every type of road
from bare dirt to concrete paved
and all between have borne the load
of time wasted as well as saved.
Some have gone through urban sprawl
where nature dares not show its face
and traffic does well to just crawl
from such a ruined blighted place.
But these roads turn to highways
on their flight toward smaller towns
where neat lawns greet sun's rays
and smiles outnumber frowns.
Then far outside of the small hamlets
where asphalt turns into crushed gravel.
Still each two track soon begets
yet one more road left to travel.
Although roads go on without end
there will sometime come a day
when I'll go around a final bend
and then travel lightly on another way.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geremia
Tue, 2016-02-23 17:44
Perfectly written--the music
Perfectly written--the music and message went straight to my heart.
joe
scribbler
Thu, 2016-02-25 08:45
Hi Joe
No need say it's perfect as I know it ain't lol. But I Do appreciate the kind words........stan
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2016-02-23 21:38
Each trek begins...
with a single step. You used the perfect language to blend all the scenes along the way. You know I loved the theme and the ending of the never ending roads is just what is called for. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Thu, 2016-02-25 08:47
Hi Geez
You are the second person to use "perfect" to describe an aspect of this poem............hmmmm.........you must want something from me lmao!. Thanks for the visit and I'm glad you liked this.........stan
author commentraj
Wed, 2016-02-24 13:06
Hi Stan
as usual very straight message with perfect rhyme which is your forte....but friend you have a long way to go till you reach the final bend you speak of...
a little edit you might want to make ...i think it should be :"borne" and not "born" in L3S1...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Thu, 2016-02-25 08:51
Hey raj
Everybody must have "perfect" on the brain lol. I find if I'm not a bit blunt in conveying subtext the subtext is not seen. My fault, not the reader's. I'll check out the born/borne thing and change it if needed. It might be like plough/plow where both are correct. Appreciate your thoughts.......stan
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2016-02-25 08:54
hi
I check out both and you are correct. Born is barely acceptable but borne is exactly correct. So, on to edit. thanks........stan
author commentraj
Thu, 2016-02-25 12:57
I am not proficient in
I am not proficient in English language ...i know you are much better at it...consider it just a suggestion...good to know it was meant to be borne...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Thu, 2016-02-25 15:30
Hi raj
Apparently I'm not too proficient at English either.......My native tongue is southern United States lol............stan
author commentEumolpus
Tue, 2018-06-05 21:08
your poem
of the three poems you have posted here, this one resonates most with me. I can almost imagine Willie Nelson singing it, or the late Tom Paxton A poem which begins "I've traveled every type of road" has to be a song!
You are suggesting at the end that your earthly road traveling will come to an end, as it must for all of us travelers. I think the final needs a little tweaking to more personalize it. A little more description, or imagined image, of that other mode of travel.
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Wed, 2018-06-06 20:15
Hi
tweaking is what brought this one back up so it's likely it will be tweaked again. Appreciate your honesty and glad you related
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-06-06 16:20
you remind me of Frost
when He speaks of the road less traveled
or
ROAD NOT TAKEN
HE missed a Nobel
but today he stands on first 500 poets list as
FIRST
Shakespeare is second
ANGELOU 3rd
PABLO NERUDA 4th
A space for me or you
STILL
left blank for MUSICAL CHAIRS ...
LET YOUR KNEES get well
AND
I too see
that you travel to me ...when I only lol .. tickle your knees
as docs do... to find one's reaction ...how I wish
Frost had later taken the Road Not Taken
and come out with an abs different poem
Well now perhaps it's too late for him
BOTH NOBEL AND HE
must be smiling
He for being Ignored and Nobel what for!
your guess stan
scribbler
Wed, 2018-06-06 20:18
Hi loved
I agree that my favorite poet (Frost) deserves more credit than he got. Knees are slowly healing but the pain meds apparently have almost killed my muse. I start writing something, look it over and then crumple the page in disgust lol. Maybe soon I'll get back into action. Appreciate you dropping by......stan
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-06-06 21:38
take ur time
from knees only take away ur mind
i must remind
docs also need now to rewind
pain is part of life
in all walks
of living strife
but take care it does not slice
like a knife
so keep handy
4 all help you need
your wife
or call in some sister
if you prefer