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Neopoet challenge #16 My Father (my Dad)
Neopoet Random Challenge # 16 My Father (my Dad)
(32 lines)
My Father was just Dad, owned and operated
his own Sodding & Landscaping trade,
before that he rode the rodeo circuit
busting broncs, he wasn't afraid.
he married mother, had four children
one of them a son, who died at birth.
shaming him she sued for divorce,
false guilt made him doubt his worth
his favorite daughter, he taught me much
be kind to even the strays,
for they need lovin,' those animals
I loved all of his philosophies and ways.
sexually abused at age thirteen by
B-I-L who liked his meat young,
abuse crushing and vile, youth stolen...
family defending him, a child's heart stung.
Dad would learn of it from gossiping sister
when I was sixteen as many years passed.
I knew not just what Dad had heard,
it would have made my heart beat fast.
one day they were out on the job cutting sod
Dad and David in the back of the truck,
with a few other hired hands all standing up
having pleasant conversation, then Dad struck!
David flew out of the back while workers watched
but somehow, no one saw a blessed thing...
(a broken back set in a body-cast, an arm and leg too,)
honor restored; Dad called out " b-t-w, you're fired too!"
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
thank you Geezer in advance, LOL!
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy
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Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2022-06-02 12:41
Have to...
come back later. Got some things to take care of. Later ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-06-02 12:50
dear Geez,
go to it, this will still be here. have a good day.
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentJackweb
Thu, 2022-06-02 18:23
Hello Cat!
So sorry about your past experience!
I guess you had been sexually abused by someone closer to you. One of the devastating moments of life is to recur such ugly predicament. Sexual violence against girls constitutes violation of human rights and remains one of the greatest challenges to achieving gender equality.
Girls and young women and particularly vulnerable to various forms of violence, which leaves deep and long term impacts on their lives, stifling their potential to grow, lead, prosper and thrive.
But I still wonder how you managed to endure and forgive. Your experience will be a reminder to me, and I shall always have an eye on my little kid daughter until she become of age of taking responsibilities, knowing what is good and right .
Your poem speaks of different thoughts, and I decided to speak on this!
Nicely written!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 08:34
dear Onyinechi,
thank you for your kind thoughts for me and others in such a situation. they are deeply appreciated. in that period of history, children (and at 13 I was basically a child) didn't have in rights, except the right to be silent. the hardest sting was having my family call me a liar and making me feel like dirt. the last straw was being sent back to watch my middle sister and BIL's children! at this time Dad didn't know (he was living alone then) my sister demanded that I write and sign a confession that he was innocent...I told her where she could shove it. later she would beg me to go to court for her to keep custody of her children (after he sexually abused their daughter!) I said I would testify, but I would tell the whole truth (about how she had fair warning of abuse from me) she packed up and went California from Minnesota. hating me for not helping her with lies. I never forgave her. I eventually forgave him as it was a case of abuse handed down from his step-father. never forgave my mother (way too much neglect and abuse on her part) I try every day to forgive her...
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentRoseBlack
Thu, 2022-06-02 21:54
Your Dad
Sounds like one heck of a guy! What a great read. Reminds me a bit of my own dad and what he would've done if anyone violated me. I am so sorry you had to experience such pain at an early age and am glad you use your writing as a release. :)
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 08:47
dear RoseBlack
I'm glad you had such a loving and protective dad. it makes me feel warm all over when I think of mine! my mother was very self-involved and hateful. dad started the process to get custody of me. mother told me she would have him committed if I went to live with him. she said she had the papers for commitment to a mental institution all she had to do was sign them as she had the two sisters signatures already. and the two B-I-L's signature too. I believed her... so I told the judge that I didn't want to live with dad...it broke my heart!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author commentRoseBlack
Fri, 2022-06-03 11:12
Such a sad situation
When one parent forces negative relationships with the other. As a child you wouldn't know to challenge the validity of her claims. Glad you had a good relationship with your dad regardless.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 11:46
:)
I did indeed...he was my hero and I tried to follow him everywhere. there was a time when I was forbidden to see him, but I ran away to his house whenever I got the chance!
*hugs, Cat
*
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And responds, please be courteous
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author commentGeezer
Fri, 2022-06-03 07:06
I agree...
Dad sounds like a great guy!. l like the story so much, I was tempted to rewrite a bit, and so I did. I hope that you see ways that you can trim the rest so that it becomes smoother.
He married mother and had four kids
a son, who died at birth
Shaming him, she went for divorce
sinned, made him doubt his worth
A favored daughter, he taught me much
be kind to even the strays
for they need lovin', those animals
I loved his ideas and ways
I hope that I have given you some ideas, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 08:51
dear Geezer,
thanks for your suggestions, I have employed most. I am thankful for your eagle-eye!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentWords.unwritten
Fri, 2022-06-03 12:00
I love how you have captured
I love how you have captured the strong bond you had with your dad ...and sorry for what you had to endure ...sounds like he was a hero x
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 12:13
thank you so much!
he was my hero of heros! I hung on his every word. one time in his work which involved laying sod over the dirt at new houses: he and his crew did a job and the man refused to pay for it! dad had no time for taking people to court as he worked everyday. so he gave him a warning and still the guy refused to pay. so... he and part of his crew went the man's house, in the middle of the night and rolled the sod back up and took it away!
I really laughed at that story, LOL!
no other landscaper would touch that job as it would be considered bad business!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author commentRosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-06-20 19:45
Love and healing
Sending healing your way. I think far more people than we realize endure sexual abuse/trauma. Not many are vulnerable yet brave enough to talk about it. I commend this courage.
As far as criticism, I mean, it reads well, so timing is good. The title certainly could be more interesting but don’t take that to heart because I struggle putting a title on anything where it doesn’t seem blatantly obvious. In this case it states perfectly what the poem is about so…I like this. It’s honest and it tells a story that I enjoy hearing. I’m not sure if I call it justice but it’s one hell of a validation from your #1 male role model. I certainly admire this man.
Let me catch up with some of your prior stuff. You, like myself seem to be prolific and I like to give feedback. Well done here
Tim
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-06-21 05:44
dear Tim,
thank you for your feed back, I really appreciate it. we don't have many who do great critique here and you are a welcome member!
about being honest; my mother always said I was too stupid to lie. and I remain that way to this day, LOL!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2022-06-21 08:46
thank you Alan,
for your critique and suggestions. I appreciate this. and will work on it when I can get my head back into that groove. thank you much!
*hugs, Cat
*
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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