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Neopoet Challenge #13 The Last Time I Was Lost

Submitted by Candlewitch on Fri, 2022-03-25 08:07

Neopoet challenge #13
The Last Time I was Lost

it's a heart ache
with so much gone
it makes your heart break
I just cannot take it.
could not fake it if I tried

I am lost, so lost
won't you come find me
like the last time
I simply slipped away
out in the cold and frost?

I don't know why
I do this thing
its not as If I didn't try
to stay here, near you
but the pull is irresistible.

I don't mean to wander
I don't mean to roam
I don't want to squander
this gift of your love
it is true, in my mind
I am confused and lost

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2022-03-25 09:21

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thinking, [I do that occasionally] that you are describing an elderly person with Alzheimer's. I have known of some instances where an elderly person will be fascinated with a snowstorm and been so hypnotized, that they have wandered off into the night and frozen to death. Of course, this poem may have been written with a completely different idea in mind; in the world of poetry and analogies, who knows? At any rate, a thoroughly enjoyable piece! ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Fri, 2022-03-25 09:26

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you are absolutely correct.it is interesting that you "get" me most of the time....it takes a very warped mind, lol!

*hugs, Cat

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Geezer

Fri, 2022-03-25 09:52

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I know. Face it, you have a friend that has just as warped mind as you! LoL You aren't the first to tell me that, and I'm sure won't be the last! Fact is, that I have worked in a nursing home in my younger years and two of my wives have also worked in the medical field. My first wife had worked in a nursing home and had a father that was a victim of Alzheimer's, my present wife worked in a nursing home for about 5 years, and two of my sisters work in them too. One is a registered nurse and the other an aide. All of us have stories about patients that have tried to get out on a stormy, snowy night and a couple that succeeded. Only one died before they were found. Something that might give a clue to what goes on in their heads. Very good write! ~ Geez. P.S. I know that you have read a poem that I wrote a few years ago, because I went to check.
"Steve McQueen" It was about a functioning Alzheimer's patient that I used to take to church and meet his family every Sunday.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Fri, 2022-03-25 09:59

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my mother was a R.N. at Anoka State Hospital on what they called the Mental Ward. it was a locked ward with a guard. there were three floors for the degrees of mental illness. they used shock therapy on the worst of the patients. (when I was bad, she threatened me with applying it to me. a very sobering effect) the patients didn't get out often, but sometimes it happened. an elderly man who slipped out crawled into the backseat of an orderly's car. a gentle soul, he was walked back inside. thank you for reading my poem and your critique.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-03-26 10:38

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I'll do better next time ;)

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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