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Nascent

I know what it is to feel alone
Like the first star in the universe
Anxiously burning; solitary
Waiting in bright anticipation
Longing for yet nascent kin

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
It’s when you’re committed to growth and it’s causing you to lose some connections you once thought necessary. Waiting for new friends to be born out of the ether
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, Tim,
How beautiful this is - both in imagery and emotion. A bit lonely, but excited, too. I can imagine this piece flowing from your fingertips, unable to wait until it was out and alive.
I wonder about the third line. I'm staggering a little there. Maybe:
Anxiously burning, solitary
Anxious, burning, solitary
or
Anxiously burning
Solitary

An alluring poem. I believe I now understand stars a bit more.
Thank you,
L

Meaning I could have finished the sentence but decided to continue. If you see a person with a semi colon tattoo it means they’ve either survived a suicide attempt or they were close to trying and decided against it. They could have finished the sentence but didn’t

Anyway I’m with other stars here now.
Love Supreme,
Tim

author comment

In every way...
L

I felt that way, when I first joined Neo. It was new territory for me. I am a person that makes acquaintances easily, but wary of friendship. Here, I have found a wealth of new friendships. I love the first stanza; it gave me the feeling that we had made the trip together. Great stuff! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

You summed it up beautifully. I am learning to enjoy solitude. Great job as always!

~RoseBlack~

Hi Tim
since you were kind enough to comment on my poem (This leaf falls) I had a look at your poetry. It is most pleasing. It goes without saying that you are a very good wordsmith but I much prefer the poems that do not follow a rigid prescriptive rhyming pattern (eg. Nascent, Soapbox Heroes and Children of Never.) These poems are still have structure but don't rely on rigid scaffolding. I am as "guilty" of this as the next person and have ditched stuff many times where I couldn't escape the rigidity that the structure imposed. Of course it is great to get a rhyme in now and then but not so it rules the poem at the expense of the statement. I like to see a spiral in a poem - the words spinning round a central core descending to a concluding statement (as with Nascent) - not that I achieve this every time with my own poetry.
You do ask for "the raw truth" - it's only my opinion for what its worth. All the best. I look forward to reading some more.

I also write prose. Short stories. Mostly I’m a songwriter and I record and release those. Lyrics is where almost all my writing practice has been for the last 20+ years. So it’s usually tight and rhyming. I’m glad you like the looser stuff. Thanks for reading!

Tim

author comment
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