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NAKED LITTLE BASTARD

I was at a baseball game
one distant summer afternoon
with no idea who to blame
for what would happen soon

A sudden stabbing pain I felt
through my back and into my chest
just about where my heart dwelt
I sat down to take a rest

I looked around and saw a brat
naked!, laughing with a bow
and on the heavy side of fat
cheeks sporting a ruddy glow

Seeing his quiver one shaft short
I started to give chase
he just turned around and laughed
and easily matched my pace

Then the pest sprouted small wings
and took off into the air
of all the dirty low down things
it made me want to swear

When he left I saw a girl
with big green eyes and short cut hair
I thought that I'd give her a twirl
and hied myself to over there

I discovered that her name was Sue
as we talked and got along
by the time the game was through
my love for her had become strong

We've been together now for years
I reckon I was stupid
but now I've overcome my fears
of that fat brat who's named cupid

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

The theme is perfect, though deceiving, and the poem is great. Perhaps it's my reading but I think with a little attention it could be smoother. Hope you and Sue have many happy years still to come. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

hello Roscoe. This is a bit of fantasy mixed with the truth of our 1st meeting. I know a few places( like lasr stanza) need some work and will get more attention. Thank you for dropping by.............stan

author comment

Hey Rosi ! Always good to see you. I'll correct typo and check word use soonest lol. Hope all is well with you..............stan

author comment

Just a quickie that popped into my empty head. Good to see you back here..............stan

author comment
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