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My Rock

Submitted by Trouble on Fri, 2017-04-14 19:20

This day I will stand upon this rock
I will put myself first
The regrets
The memories
Are simply the seductions
Of my thoughts!
My love will become hard
This stance
I chose upon on this rock
Never will tears bring back
The memories
The regrets
Like the water that’s falls upon the rock

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2017-04-14 20:02

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seems like it leaves something unsaid, I would consider leaving it off or changing it. ~ Gee.
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Trouble

Fri, 2017-04-14 21:04

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the last line is the anchor to the poem tears are water and rock is where I stand so when I cry they roll off the rock
Gee this is press

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Geezer

Sat, 2017-04-15 11:42

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I get it now, I would maybe try saying that: the tears that I cry, roll from the rock, or something of that nature to show that it is the tears, not just water. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Eumolpus

Fri, 2017-04-14 20:28

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I suspect the last line is a typo with the 's ie, the water that falls upon the rock...

Poem reminds me a bit of the Paul Simon song, I am a rock I am an Island, in it's own way of course.
I think the poem works, it's concise with good flow.
I am not getting memories being the seductions of thought...are memories and regrets seduced by thinking or is it that memories and regrets are what seduces your thoughts in the path you have chosen? (be as the rock and repel the water, your tears) and you will not allow that seduction, and will be strong..as a rock?
My other comment is a personal preference. Either no punctuation or all. One can say there are no rules, which there aren't; that said, I would prefer no exclamation point, I don't think it adds
Nice poem. Hope this helps.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Trouble

Fri, 2017-04-14 20:56

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OK this is what this line means . seductions of thought . that I will not be seduce by my regrets to give in and my memories of my mistakes I will stand upon this rock . thanks for the response

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