Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

My Poem [Oceans]

In this life, we are the same
Drifters floating in an ocean
Weaving between fate
Like its currents, riptides.

I hear a beating in my heart.
Looking into the abyss
Of solid cerulean, you are not
the person you once were.

It was in the day we found peace,
And the nights we painted blue,
With the sadness of rain drops.
Faith can be swallowed whole, I know.

My friend- we are the whales,
The coral, the fish, and the storms,
We became the tsunamis
That tore the world in two.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it tells of the time that you became connected to this other. The beginning. My only criticism is that instead of [paved] [how can you pave the ocean?] You should use [painted the ocean], [I know, painting it doesn't seem possible either when you stop to think about it, but at least you might paint a picture of it, I don't think that you would say that you paved a picture of it.
A little niggling thing, but not something that stops you in your tracks like paved. ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Thank you for the advice- I agree.

"To fly is to fall."

author comment

this is one of my favorites of yours, i especially love the 3rd and 4th lines and i agree with you and geezer about painted it’s got nice imagery to it

I very much like your title it is a simple truth. the ocean is a vast and miraculous entity teaming with many kinds of life. you have both changed... how could you not, when surrounded by an ocean? I love your exquisite language usage it creates a whole new world for some, and for others, welcomes them home. thanks for this.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.