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My Memories

Submitted by lovedly on Fri, 2018-09-21 13:52

Last I remember
was the setting sun
but last night I awoke
today some years away
in coma did I stay
they say

'twas a long sleep
the world had forgotten too
now no one knew me
sad but twas that's true.

tears of sorrow dripped
my heart a beat skipped
it assured me
wait there is still hope
a knock at the gate

well who comes
just a guess
the one I must confess
loved me least
when I was at my best
now comes to console
should this memory
now not make me whole

in my heart they found a hole
he only came to console

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
an old imagery poem posted elsewhere 1000 read it I thought of obtaining your views neo's
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

IRiz

Fri, 2018-09-21 16:13

IRiz's picture
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A nice poem about how you find yourself estranged from the world.
I share the mood sometimes even if I did not lose decades in coma. Life is changing so fast.
Typo? "my heart a beat" did you mean "my heartbeat"?

i would take out tears of sorrow and replace it with something more colloquial in the same style as the rest of the poem

Not sure if i am getting the ending, but I have my limitations, it could be just me

IRiz

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-21 16:49

lovedly's picture

as without your guidance
I just can't compose any poetry
Where in the wilderness do you flee
care if you will to tell me

Then edit this I will
It was composed years ago
but Emul also asks me
to edit older poetry

WILL comply
as my senses come by
was almost a coma
but imagery

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-21 16:53

lovedly's picture

tears of sorrow dripped
my heart a beat skipped

tears of sorrow did drip
my heart a beat did skip

any better?

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-21 16:55

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tears of sadness dripped
my heart a beat skipped

which would you now prefer

author comment

IRiz

Fri, 2018-09-21 17:45

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My heartbeat skipped,
My eyes burnt, tears dripped

Am I off bit ? Sorry.
Hello my dear, I miss you too.
I am not in the wilderness but I am working on preparing my poems for publication and catching up on reading, learning French and rock climbing.
Tell me something about the most striking and bewildering discovery you ever had, your most revelating impression. It could be anything from understanding the rules of math, to some relationships.

IRiz

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-21 23:54

lovedly's picture

A B A N D O N E D

If I be that member
standing in the wilderness
stark lonely
like a stem in a desert by an oasis
Shorn
abandoned

What worth then be my very being
have been

Often I wondered alone
deprived of all intelligence
sheared of all arms and leaves
also nuances of life’s awards

Had I lead such a life
worthy of my salt

What worth then was
my very being

author comment

IRiz

Fri, 2018-09-21 23:08

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interesting abstract imagery in Salvador Dali's style
i would call it Abandoned

IRiz

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-21 23:56

lovedly's picture

'tis

author comment

IRiz

Sat, 2018-09-22 00:25

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good night my friend

IRiz

lovedly

Sat, 2018-09-22 01:16

lovedly's picture

gn
c u 2 morrow

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2019-05-31 20:33

lovedly's picture

in the wilderness
in the oasis of time
in deserts far and deep
yet unknown oh our CEO

author comment

Sparrow

Fri, 2018-09-21 18:27

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A lovely write from you, and once again it deserves many more comments.
I walk with many people here and in other places and you are one of the few that are still a mystery, one day you will let us know a name that you are known by as it needs us to know.
I will refer to you as the Bard for now , Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Sat, 2018-09-22 14:28

lovedly's picture

exclusively for you
A Bard
so true
still old
but as fresh
as NEW

author comment

Shadowdancer3349

Sat, 2018-09-22 17:55

I truly enjoyed reading this Yes there is always hope

lovedly

Sat, 2018-09-22 22:54

lovedly's picture

shall we hopefully
dance
oh no romance
it will weigh on my
memory

author comment
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