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MY FATHER ( RANDOM CHALLENGE #16

My lovely father,
you were something
of a benevolent despot.
When the days were young
every Tom, Dick and Harry
felt your goodness.
Your benignity born of
selfless devotions will
ever stay in the hearts
of the people that felt it.
You truly afforded
the decencies of life.
You lived an unpretentious
life with simplicity and modesty.
The sky you are the colors
of my life's rainbow.
Oh every time I look to the sky
I have got you in my mind.
You disciplined us and with
positive parenting.
Our heart's hold fast your words
even now and forever!

But when the dark cloud emerges
with terrible whirl wind,
fear and trembling was all over us.
When your health suddenly failed
and began to deteriorate,
we all felt stabbed in our heart!
Although medical treatments
sustained you for awhile
yet, you never made it.
Though many prayers were offered
on your behalf in provocation
of heaven's touch and healings.
But remember, your graciousness,
integrity you had established
on this earth you have left your footprint
on the sands of time.
Good bye dad
and have a sweet journey
till we meet and part no more.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

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Comments

this piece is extraordinary with pure emotion! I really liked these lines:
Your benignity born of
selfless devotions will
ever stay in the hearts
of the people that felt it.
You truly afforded
the decencies of life.
You lived an unpretentious
life with simplicity and modesty.
The sky you are the colors
of my life rainbow.
Oh every time I look to the sky
I have got you in my mind.
You disciplined us and with
positive parenting.
Our heart hold fast your words
even now and forever!

they were hard to choose because the whole poem is very touching! there are a few rough spots. but if you read the poem out loud, I think you will hear them so they can be improved upon.
*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I appreciate your comment.

You can as well pinpoint those lines. I think that will help better

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

This a wonderful eulogy for a man whose positive qualities resound with every word in that first stanza. Your dad sounds like somebody I’d want to be around; someone who lifts the people around them up instead of tearing them down. I’m so very sorry you lost him but I’m glad you are writing and even more happy you’re sharing it.
I could offer some quick fix type stuff if you like? Things like verb tense and punctuation.

Keep writing, keep feeling
Tim

Please torch light them. @Rosewood

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

Please torch light them. @Rosewood

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

here are some minor changes for you to try:

of my life rainbow. (life's)
Our heart hold fast your words (heart's)
yet, you never make it. (made instead of make)
Though many prayers was offered (were instead of was)
on this earth has left your footprint (on this earth you've left your foot print)

this is a stunningly loving testimonial, Onyinechi

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You are always good at findings. I appreciate you a lot.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

not a problem...I'm glad to help!

*warm hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Check please. Hope am good to go!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

this line is still a bit rough:
on this earth have left your footprint (you have)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Done!
THANKS CAT!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

>{^*;*^}<

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You you done well Cat!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

I’ve no suggestions…. All of it is really good!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Thank you very much Ray!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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