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MOOR OR LESS
We hae nae boggy moors down here
nae ghost of celts within the mists.
Ye'll nah hear roaring red stag deer.
"Tis not some place where fairies kissed.
There are no tales of Druid sacrifices
or Roman legions' ancient walls.
No warlocks' sins or their dark vices.
There aren't any dire wolves' calls.
And I am no Robert Burns
so I'll try no more to use the brogue
heard in Scotland's moss or ferns.
For me "ya'll and Ain't" are en vogue.
But even here we have green fields
where misty ground fogs swirl and dance
until sun's spears make the night yield
just as turkeys start to cluck and prance.
In these fields lie points of stone
reminders of the Cherokee
unearthed where the crops are grown;
sometimes found by such as me.
And the mystery of the Clovis folk
who came then went without a trace.
like some kind of ancient joke
whose humor we can't now embrace.
During the hours of in between
when light is dim and all is still
there come somethings that aren't quite seen
where flatland meet the middling hills.
Mists appear as if exhaled
and dull drums are almost heard
while...What?...flits where fresh hay is baled
too large to be any type bird.
Then the ground fog becomes dense.
Is that the clatter of musketry?
Is the motion that I sense
deer or confederate calvary?
At last the darkness takes full hold
with stars but without any moon
and chills hit although I'm not cold.
a lone whippoorwill begins his tune.
I shudder as I rise to leave
then jump at the sound of crashing near.
It's only deer I must believe.
We have no need of moors down here.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-04-21 08:52
perhaps can not will keep the
perhaps can not will keep the rhythm more so than can't
I would also leave out the word any and just use without the moon
odd but I thought of Charlie Daniels while reading this poem
nice work
Chrys
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scribbler
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:32
SHHHHH!
Most folks don't know I'm Charlie in disguise...... lol. I WISH . You know I do a lot of going back and editing my scribbles so I'll keep your ideas in mind when I edit this one. Thanks for the visit
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2020-04-21 09:58
Not doing...
too well today, I want to come back to this, to give it the attention It deserves. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:33
Hi Geez
I hope you get to feeling better soon.
author commentGracy
Tue, 2020-04-21 19:17
Lovely, tho' a bit too wordy.
Lovely, tho' a bit too wordy. I'm sure it can be tweaked a little. I've read about the Clovis people, they were in S.A. as well.
I too will return, it's my supper time. Enjoyed.
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
scribbler
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:34
Imagine that
ME being too wordy lol. I appreciate the visit and honest feed back
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:36
Hi
I almost decided to leave out the brogue but then decided to give it a shot . I thought it might add to the comparison of the Scottish moors and our rolling fields
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:11
I really appreciated...
the little off-side history lessons. The little bobbles of rhythm aren't that obvious, even when read aloud. There are a couple of esses missing I think, but likewise easily let go. [things, flatlands or meets]. Without [a] moon and [though] I'm not cold. Mostly little niggling stuff that could make it smoother.
~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Wed, 2020-04-22 12:38
Hi
I am glad you are feeling better. I'll keep your ideas in mind when I nod inevitable edit
author commentRula
Thu, 2020-04-23 16:49
Hello Stan
I took the challenge to read this piece and was obviously a good challenge especially the brogue's slang
I was happy to get most of it.
Thanks for sharing
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scribbler
Thu, 2020-04-23 16:56
Hmmm.....
So now reading my stuff is a challenge? Well at least it's still short of being a chore lol. I am pleased my attempt at a Scottish brogue was not Too out of whack. Always good to have the desert flower drop by......stan
author commentRula
Thu, 2020-04-23 17:32
The challenge
Was to read a slang...a real challenge for a non native speaker of the language.
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scribbler
Fri, 2020-04-24 00:59
Oh
I never thought of that. Heck I actually speak English and just trying to write in a brogue similar to Robert Burns was a challenge lol
author commentRuby Lord
Tue, 2024-01-30 06:57
I do like this and for the
I do like this and for the most part I think you got the Scottish elements/language right but, Robert Burns is known to those of that great country and accent by his Scottish name, Rabbie Burns. There are a few bobbles as pointed out by Geezer but it was a fabulous read and I thought it a great job, well done. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
scribbler
Tue, 2024-01-30 10:34
Hi Ruby
I am pleased that my attempt at Scottish brogue was not a complete failure. thanks for dropping by
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-30 08:22
Dear Stan,
I loved it, the whole read. So I cannot choose favorite lines. I think it is completely fabulous! Clever title, and great language usage. I read this poem out loud (or is that supposed to be aloud?) I am such a word clutz! The tale was very interesting and kept my greedy mind on the poem. I think you are a natural born story teller!
*Hugs and love, Cat
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scribbler
Tue, 2024-01-30 10:36
Hi Cat
Thank you. I find it easier to write with some kind of narrative
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-30 11:38
dear Stan,
I have a couple of poems in the hopper using narrative, it is kind of new to me.
Hugs. Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Tue, 2024-01-30 17:41
Hi Cat.
don't let the fancy word "Narrative" scare you off. Most poems are some type narrative including your tinker toys poem
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-30 18:20
Narrative...
I have been working on a few ; I will not let them scare me.
*many hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.