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MOON OVER CAROLINA (May humor contest)
On this clear spring afternoon
from my deck off toward the east
I spy a Carolina moon
as pale as sourdough bread yeast
The sky is shared by setting sun
although the sun is in the west
moonrise to east has just begun
as white as any virgin's breast
That moon above a flower bed
just before it's time to sup
leads me to yell at neighbor,"Fred!
Be kind and pull your short pants up!"
*don't blame Me, Barb inspired me with Her moon poem lol
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Starlight
Wed, 2012-04-11 09:09
Hello
i do love the moon!! wonderful imagery and rhythm.
scribbler
Wed, 2012-04-11 12:57
Hi Tiah
Don't think you'd much care for Fred's pale moon lol...........stan
author commentTommi Cordial
Wed, 2012-04-11 16:16
Nice write
The sky is shared by setting sun
although the sun is in the west
moonrise to east has just begun
as white as any virgin's breast
are the lines that lead me through this setting sun and rising moon. It takes me to pleasant place in my past.
thank you
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
Sparrow
Wed, 2015-05-06 19:09
Tommi
Lovely to see you here, and I hope that not only will you comment on the poems, but you will put some of your works here.
Where have you been it's been three years since we read any of your words, take care and enjoy, Yours, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
scribbler
Wed, 2012-04-11 18:18
Hi Tommi
Always happy when something of mine carries folk to a pleasant memory. ...........stan
author commentRula
Wed, 2015-05-06 04:05
I can remember this one Stan
from the Refuge days and still can't find the appropriate comment.
"No comment needed you said", remember?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Wed, 2015-05-06 09:06
Hi Rula
If recalled from that far back it must be at least OK lol. and I Do remember the no comment needed exchange......at least vaguely............stan
author commentraj
Wed, 2015-05-06 12:42
Good rhyme which is your
Good rhyme which is your forte but in my opinion the humor could have been better..
not sure ii virgin breast can be compared with moon rise even w.r.t. color...
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Wed, 2015-05-06 13:37
It appears
that the double meaning for "moon " isn't coming across. Around here when somebody drops their pants and bends over it's called mooning someone..........stan
author commentjudyanne
Wed, 2015-05-06 13:54
lol Stan
Here we have the major problem with jokes - they are culturally orientated as a general rule....
I love this - and coming from the same language ideological discourse as you (lol) I got the funny without the need of the explanation...
My only comment would be that I would've attempted to make the neighbour' moon rising in the west - and called the write 'bad moon on the rise' -- lol
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Wed, 2015-05-06 16:21
Bad Moon
LOL. A nice feminine moon Would have been better lol. as to the moon rising, you know I'm a stickler for details and the real moon always rises in the east just like the sun..........stan
author comment