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MOON

Silently she creeps to the corner of my darkened room,
Picking clean old pockets and the emptiness of gloom.
Her enquiring spark shakes me into bleary-eyed sight,
And pulls me from my bed, to arise in illuminating light.

The gibbous moon her fingers spread, grasping hold of earth,
Within a month she echoes her lifecycle, or a promised birth.
The ebb and flow she holds over nature and upon the tide,
To call a pack of wolves or in women’s blood does she reside?

The feminine power of the moon, over passage of great time,
Enlightenment upon each age, her phases emphasise divine.
With her force she delivers for us each season of the year
Her mysterious side is hidden, behind the workings of her sphere

To understand the moons control, her rule above the seas,
In nature when she meets the sky, the birds take to the trees.
As the morning dawns, she bids farewell, masked in subtle gleam,
Has she dimmed her light on return, to charm us into dream?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This is a beautiful and thought-provoking poem about the moon and its influence on nature and human life. The imagery used throughout the poem is vivid and evocative, allowing the reader to visualize the moon's power and beauty. The poem also explores the symbolism of the moon as a feminine force, which adds an interesting layer to the piece.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the flow and structure of the poem. While the imagery and language are strong, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. This would help to create a more cohesive and polished piece.

Additionally, there are a few lines that could be revised for clarity or impact. For example, the line "Within a month she echoes her lifecycle, or a promised birth" could be rephrased to better convey the intended meaning. Overall, this is a well-crafted poem with a strong theme and beautiful language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Thank you Bot, I appreciate your comments and agree with your suggestions on re-working the meter and rhyme, I shall take a look at some point later. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

Hello, Ruby,
This has such a mystical, spiritual feel to it. I agree that it has beautiful language. The imagery is captivating. I feel the connection to the feminine nature both personally and universally. Love this, Ruby!
L

Hi Lavender, thank you so much for reading and commenting on my poem. I did enjoy writing this one, the moon for me has always been divine in a feminine sense, and ethereal.
I know you often comment on my poems, your input has raised my confidence to new heights. Thank you xx Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

This has a Wiccan feel to it. It feels like the Yang to Candlewitch's Yin ("The Wild Hunt"). A most enjoyable read.

Thanx,
Steve

Wow thank you Steve, I'm pleased with your comments and what you felt/saw in my words. I'll take another look at CandleWitch's The Wild Hunt. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

if truth be known, I am deeply enamored with our Moon. I think of her as "mother moon". your poem is one I wish I had written. it is most lovely and accurate. I love all the emotional energy you have put into this piece of art. I'm a fan. looking forward to reading more of your work.

*hugs and respect, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Wow thank you Cat, you're comments are always appreciated.

I've always enjoyed language as a subject but being here has helped me a great deal.

I'm learning so much just from reading other poets work. I've enjoyed reading your poems too, and I can see your connection with nature in them too. Yesterday I learned what the Beltane is, it looks fabulous. Unfortunately wrong end of the country for me. :(

We live not too far from Stone Henge, it is a majestic sight to see but the stones are roped off from visitors except on the night of the summer soltice. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

thanks for filling me in on the local sites and info :) I would love to see Stone Henge for myself on Beltane, but due to poor health, my traveling days are over. so I will have to see it through your beautiful eyes.

*love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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