Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Monsters in Your Bed

Submitted by Ekaterina Alexa... on Mon, 2023-02-20 08:19

When you’re young, you hear the stories
Of the monsters under your bed
They will leave you sleepless
With that sense of fear and dread

You grow older and the monsters
Just don’t scare you anymore
But day by day you find that monsters
Aren’t always the kind from old folklore

They don’t all have horns and wicked scorns
And scaly, crimson skin
Not all have fangs, in evil gangs
Or can be scared off by holy bling

No.. some monsters are actually quite handsome
And charming to a fault
You could look them in the eye and be
Convinced that butter wouldn’t melt

These monsters (I swear) are the worst kind
I urge you to stay away
For they’ll chase and hunt you, torment you
Like you’re nothing but easy prey

If only when you were young, you heard the stories
Of the monsters in your bed

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Let me know what you think. I'm going to be competing at a Poetry Slam event this weekend. I still haven't decided on the poem. I've got a few in mind- and I think this new one might be one of my favourites. Obviously I would need to make it longer to get to the 2 minutes. Thanks guys Xxx

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-20 08:34

Dear Kat

I offer a hug. I'm Deeply affected by this.

I wish it wasn't so.

Love Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-20 20:06

Hi Lovely Jayne

I'm sure a lot of women will be affected by this one. I'm going to put an extended version in the Fractured Woman exhibition.
Thanks for reading Xxx

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-02-20 11:33

I can't add...

enough to make it two minutes long, but I will tell you that I think it does need
a few extra words.

They [will] leave you sleepless

You grow older and [the] monsters

But by [daylight] you['ll] find those monsters

[Or] be scared off by holy bling

And [are] charming to a fault

As always, these are just suggestions, use them or not.
You may come up with something better. ~ Geezer.
.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Ekaterina Alexa...

Mon, 2023-02-20 20:07

Thanks Geezer

Thanks Geezer- a good suggestion :) I will put those in Xxx

author comment

Mark

Tue, 2023-02-21 00:35

Emphasization

by capitalization is something I'm not a fan of. We are poets here, yes? When we read we know what is to be emphasized. That is my opinion. Some overdo that but you do it in what may be seen as a more proper way (minimal)
Those monsters, if not scary then quite destructive. You bring to light a harsh reality. There exists those who get pleasure from hurting others.
Good job, good rhythm.
A good read,

Mark

"The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape... " (Picasso)

Ekaterina Alexa...

Tue, 2023-02-21 01:46

I see your point

I see your point, I will take out the capitalisation.
Thanks for reading and for your comment xx

author comment

Trail

Tue, 2023-02-28 07:31

Okay, wow

A good poem leaves you stunned for a moment. This did just that. If it's at all written from a bad experience I hope you find your peace. But it is a beautiful piece of work.

Ekaterina Alexa...

Wed, 2023-03-01 05:03