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Mom's Smiles JUN CONTEST (UPLIFTED FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT)
Mom's Smiles
Very sentimental poetry
I recall my mom’s last eyes
no tears
Smiles as she passed by
tears did not then come
into my eyes
I too smiled
Then it rained
all day and night
mom’s smiles went away
now I thirst for those looks
till today
as she passed away
it rains till today
nearly five decades away
she still smiles daily at me
I, my mom can see
smiling with me
It does no longer rain
now it only snows
heaven knows
when she calls out to me
when are you coming?
I smile back and ask
are you still waiting for me
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
wesley snow
Tue, 2017-06-13 16:38
Strong entry.
I don''t know if she changed history, but a good work nonetheless.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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lovedly
Tue, 2017-06-13 17:44
Thanks Wesley
let it in summer snow
rgds
scribbler
Wed, 2017-06-14 11:45
hi loved
An excellent example of the use of poetic devices to compose a free verse. Best of luck in contest...........stan
Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-06-14 13:31
Loved
This is both beautiful and tender. As you know by now I always look for alternatives to suggest. In this case the only thing I can offer, and I am not saying it is an improvement, is to drop one line at the start of the last stanza.
It does no longer rain
now it only snows
heaven knows
when she calls out
I smile back and ask
are you still waiting for me
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
lovedly
Wed, 2017-06-14 13:58
It does no longer rain
It does no longer rain
if I drop this line
the whole meaning would change
this line says
''my eyes no more rain (tears) ''
any confusion
must be an illusion
Keith do clarify please
thanks
Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-06-14 14:47
On rereading
I can totally see your point. Please dismiss my first thoughts on the subject. I tend to think in terms of less is more but I can see that sometimes I take that too far.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
lovedly
Wed, 2017-06-14 14:40
touching comments by poets outside neo
MOM’s SMILES
friendly poets comments
‘’This is my second visit to this great piece of poetry.
Emotional and heartfelt.
Mothers leave a big void when they depart for their final abode.
A son or a daughter who were emotionally attached to her,
miss their mother more than anybody else.
Thanks a lot, Dear poet, for sharing the poem.
my eyes....
Then it rained all day and night
as she passed away / it rains till today / nearly five decades away’’’’
A beautiful tribute to Mom who passed to Spirit smiling, happy to be returning home again. Now, it is almost time for the poet to join his beloved Mother in Spirit, he is looking forward to meeting her again and being with her. He too smiles.
The love the poet has for his Mom is tangible in this excellently penned poem. Lovely work! Thank you for sharing...
Geezer
Wed, 2017-06-14 14:50
She's waiting...
believe it!
~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Wed, 2017-06-14 15:04
thank u Gee
for the humour
have ye
Rula
Wed, 2017-06-14 15:36
Very tender indeed
I think mom's smiles are alwys distinguished.
They shine with smiles even after they pass away.
Good luck dear. Your entrant deserves to win
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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lovedly
Wed, 2017-06-14 22:06
ma'am your walking through my space
is enough an award for me .
I never lose nor ever win
as in life I have always been second
my wife comes first
always and every time
Thanks for your hopes
it flames my inspiration
to compose more
and I shall
lovedly
Thu, 2017-06-15 20:19
SNOW MAN STAN
CHANGING HISTORY OF TIME
LESSONS FROM PILLARS OF TIME
Lord Rama... Be fair to the point of default, may be you may suffer, doesn't matter
Lord Krishna ... Tell the whole truth you need not remember what you last said
Gautama Buddha...Eliminate pain to reduce suffering
Jesus Christ...... Love thy neighbour
Mohammed..... Trust in Allah.
Gurnanak ji... The whole world is in trouble ''NANAK DUKHIYA SUBH SANSAAR.''
Mahatma Gandhi When one slaps you on one cheek, show him the other
My sole view............
''BELIEVE IN YOURSELF FIRST USE BRAINS on Earth...IN HEAVEN GOD WILL LOOK AFTER YOU''
Amen Ameen WAHE GURU, OM, HEY RAM ALLAH! BUDDHAM SHARNAM GUCHAAMI
raj
Thu, 2018-09-20 14:31
Hi Lovedly
pretty sentimental write
I wonder if these two lines
I, my mom can see
smiling with me
would read better if the first of the two line is slightly altered
I can see my mom
smiling with me
.....................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Thu, 2018-09-20 21:47
perhaps
raj
grammatically ur right thanks
scribbler
Thu, 2018-09-20 20:37
hi
good revisions