Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Moldy Hair from Boston

I knew a girl, from Boston she came
When she arrived, things were not the same
Here on this tiny lake
All the fish knew her fake
Her neon green hair sure was damn lame

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


My only crit is; you should use a little punctuation to keep the rhythm.

"I knew a girl, from Boston she came
When she arrived, things were not the same
Here on a tiny lake
Even the fish were fake
[And] her neon green hair was lame

~ Geez.

Don't forget to enter the October Halloween Contest!
there is a $25 Gift Card from Amazon and 3 months Premium Profile!

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Tell each other what you think


is sometimes necessary as Geezer stated. Your title is intriguing for a limerick title. It has that nonsensical air to it that limericks are so popular for. The poem also has that classical fun. Nice one!

Thomas like my lost dreams...the flood

I agree with the punctuation it guides like it is supposed to.
The last line though I want to leave at 9 syllables so I don't really care for it as is and will work on it. Have the whole month.

Enter our Halloween Poetry Contest.
The winner receives a 25 dollar amazon gift card
and 3 months premium benefits.
(if you have an existing premium account
then you will receive a 35 dollar gift card)

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.