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Mobster (Ballade WS)

The night they killed my wife and son,
a part of me was stripped away.
Do they believe that they have won?
Revenge is mine to have, I say.
I vow that all of them will pay!
For all their sins, I plan to sting
and settle scores without delay.
They'll feel the pain my wrath will bring!

The man I was, is dead and done
My soul, it bled to death that day
and now it's time to end their fun.
Revenge is mine to have, I say
.Disguised as friend, I'll pave my way.
Beyond the veil, I'll pull my strings.
My mind is set, I will not stray.
They'll feel the pain my wrath will bring.

Prepared for war, I'm armed with guns.
My will is steel, my heart won't sway
and when they try to rape the nun,
revenge is mine to have, I say.
I'll let them know the truth at bay
by showing them my wedding ring.
I won't give them a chance to pray.
They'll feel the pain my wrath will bring.

In shallow grave they all will lay.
They'll feel the pain my wraith will bring.
and then I'll hunt their kins to slay
They'll feel the pain my wrath will bring.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I don't know if this is a good reply to Wes's challenge. Even if it isn't, I know I've tried my best.
Editing stage: 

Comments

apart of me was stripped away..... (a part - two words)

'My soul has bleed to death that day'.... mixed grammar -
it should be 'my soul has bled....'
maybe, 'my soul, it bled ....'
could, at a pinch be 'my soul had bled....'

'Disguised as friend, I'll pathed my way'.... for better grammar maybe
'Disguised as friend, I'll pave my way'

My will is steel, my heart won'r sway.... typo - 'won't'

Great iambic

Just one tiny thing - i believe the second verse of the last stanza is also supposed to be your second refrain....

Great refrains, I might add
well done Alid

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I almost give up halfway and then I hear the theme song for para olympic here entitled
''Unbreakable'' and I quit being a quitter again. lol. I've done the edits.
Thanks for the visit, the read and for pointing out my mistakes.

Alid

author comment

Not "wraith". A wraith is a ghost. "Wrath" is pissed off. Vengeance.

I smiled the whole way through. How one earth did you do it? It's a marvelous poem.
And for the record... I did not issue a challenge. I just mentioned there was one more kind of Ballade.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I think about the gangsters they called the mob, mafia etc and imagine myself as one of them who lost his loved ones to a rival gang member and sets out to avenge them in ''The Punisher's Style'' Driven by fury, my character will not stop until he has killed their leader to replace him. Being able infiltrate their defences, suggested plastic surgery and a charlatan-like character that can easily blend in and adapt without arousing suspicion. It also suggest that there are traitors within the group.

I usually do alternate writing , first olden day fantasy, then modern day fantasy, using the comics, novels, folklore, movies, drama series as references to make my character came alive. Sometimes even songs and real life happenings can give me ideas, depending on the theme.

Like I said, finding the theme is not a problem for me.

Alid

author comment

Lol - what is a dare if not a challenge, Wes
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

excellent piece. You're absolutely talented. These forms are never easy, but you did it!
Bravo!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Praise be for Allah who leads my hands when I'm in need of guidance. In truth I'm not good at it. If you see the many crumpled pieces of paper I have when trying this form, you'll know that's true. lol. He gives me the mind of a storyteller and the stubborn heart who refuses to give up easily. That's why I can do it.

Alid

author comment
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