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M.I.A. ...

Submitted by Geezer on Mon, 2013-05-27 17:09

Riding nightmares to the war
he screams out his battle-cry
No-man’s land is lonely
he sees the bodies sent to die

A blackened field; trees burning
the horizon flaring red
He knows the streaks of fire
have come to claim his head

No sleep for him, or rest
for his weary soul
He cannot claim a victory
he never reached his goal

Supposed to bring his buddies home
He promised all of them
We’ll get through this boys
though how’s beyond my ken

Now he stands up in a wasteland
of failed duty; he is sure
He’s fought so hard for freedom
His heart’s been cleansed of pure

Bitter tears he sheds for duty
He couldn’t follow through
Couldn’t bring them home
Bring them home for me and you

Now he’s another victim
never came home from the war
Though he made it back; he didn’t
Ne’er got back from the war

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A buddy of mine once told me, that you had to be there to appreciate the total destruction of a napalm-attack. You could smell the burning of the very earth. He had nightmares now and then. He was getting counseling and I hope that one day he comes back from the war. This poem is for all the people that didn't and won't come back from the past and [ although I hate to say it], future wars.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2013-05-28 13:47

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

The images were so clear in this write. I can see the soldier standing, alone and devestated. I can see him going home a different person than when he left. He was here in body but not in mind. So true for so many veterans and soldiers who are still active today.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Geezer

Thu, 2013-05-30 21:07

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there are many that feel that they let their comrades down and didn't do enough to get their brothers-in-arms home. I hope that someday they will realize that they did all that they could. I'm glad that the images were so clear here. I tried to show some of the pain I know they felt. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee

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scribbler

Wed, 2013-05-29 07:34

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The strange thing, to me, is that so many feel guilt at having survived when so many others didn't.........stan

Geezer

Thu, 2013-05-30 20:52

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that I could shake the hand of all of them and let them know that we are glad that they did make it back.
Thanks, you got it in one! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2013-05-29 10:10

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War not only kills, it leaves a trail of sadness, throughout sometimes more than one generation.
There is no way though I have been to a war zone, and watched my friends become traumatized, it makes many tears, I can only give them all the love I can and just be there when needed.
That little girl optimised Napalm, her picture has been shown so many times but it can never show the horror that all involved go through.
I have said enough young man it is hard to bear, Yours Ian.T
PS:- well written as always, take care...

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geezer

Thu, 2013-05-30 20:43

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been in the military and certainly not to war; I cannot say that I understand what these men and women went through. I do know that I have met many of them that have and I can say that they have been traumatized.
I hope that I did them justice and showed them that there are people out there that appreciate what they have sacrificed for their country and the world. Thank you for the read and the kind words, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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