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MERCI TIME WAIT BY THE LAKE

You were pretty young
now as age catches up
time is still a constant
but we change so much
our time varies with our breathing
kissing was then a new thing
now its just a routine

Time seems to weigh heavy
we had no computers
only typewriters
and
mostly we wrote poems
using our pencils

time appeared to be lesser
ha what a guess
then kisses were quicker
and faster
now we have slowed down
like the Nile
do you know its speed

the lake is still still
as it was times since

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

we do start out with (seemingly) a lot of time on our hands. we are completely oblivious that our time on this Earth has a limit. it is nice to be young, for those of us who are young...it ain't me! we waste a lot of time on things that don't really matter and won't matter in the end. in middle age, we spend in denial, unwilling to face old age is coming. that should be when we do the things on our bucket list. old age gets here before we know it, and have done few things on our list. somethings are impossible to do by now due to body replacements such as knees or shoulders. we just don't walk as fast. or bend as deep ect. in our old age, we realize we should have done certain things when we were younger.

I really like your poem because it made me think real hard. I liked these lines:

You were pretty young

now as age catches up
time is still a constant
but we change so much
it is a great poem, my friend!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Yes, it does. You are right, we don't pay much mind to the passage of time because we don't understand that our time here on earth infinite. I wish that you had made more about: "kissing was then a new thing
. now it's just a routine"
it seems that many people, when they get older, just give little pecks or blow kisses at each other. I make it a point to give my wife five little kisses every night before I go to bed, always five! Sometimes, I get my little kisses early and I go back for five more. She will playfully say; "You already had your kisses" but I persist, and I get more! A little game and the romance still is there. Even though we are older now, and time weighs heavy on us, "we remember when". Thank you for bringing that back to me. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I'm so happy you both agree each couple is different old age is sans most things As Shakespeare hath already outlined But we can still make aging sublime ere time

author comment

The reflective nature of this is very well done!

A suggestion, couple the first line with the first line of the next real stanza, then a line break for stanza two. Would make a bit of form for this piece. This is very William Carlos Williams-like.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Ray all these days I've been waiting for you
why you were so silent
I had no clue

But now
I thank you
yu are a wonder of
Neo

author comment
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