Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Luxuriant Rows of Peach Trees.

Submitted by lovedly on Sat, 2020-07-25 10:34

Luxuriant rows of peach trees
remind the solitude of childhood
the thirteenth ever
so beautiful among
all siblings seven sisters

It helps recall the manner of how
I always entered the forests of my besotted mind
with a desire of harvesting polished words
manuring time's domain as one traverses
pastures of one's mind

all that remains as senility seeps
humor vanishes like fragrance sublime
of peaches,grapes and green vine

One tours valleys
across vast lands,
Niagara
where my youth swept through woods
searching love humor laughter and smiles
innate inkling
retain fondest memories
being buried
in fathomless golden vaults
unforgetable time
visions simply
melodious rhymes

how I wish someone feels
these wondrous thoughts radiantly
do not undermine
I'm really fine

we must just say
whatever we wish
some traveler tired
resting his feet alongside
a lonely bare bush
may find solace
which we all are in search
seemingly along the jungles of life
all need a long helping rope
let's willing cope

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A final wish of a dying human ---we all call a NEO poet
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Gracy

Sat, 2020-07-25 17:29

Gracy's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi lovedly, lovely imagery, perfect title and the content is clear. My usual nit, prune it a lot. Thank you for getting your inspiration from my poem, it's an honor.
All the best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

lovedly

Sun, 2020-07-26 02:09

lovedly's picture

kindly hint where I can and should

You are an INSPIRATION
for immature poets like me
Thanks ....Gracy

author comment

Gracy

Sun, 2020-07-26 18:21

Gracy's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi lovedly, I'm no wonderful poet, just learn a little in forums such as this one. The title should say "peach trees". I'll tweak part of a strophe, see whether you like it so.

One tours valleys
across vast lands,
Niagara
where my youth swept through woods
searching love humor laughter and smiles
innate inkling
retain fondest memories
being buried
in fathomless golden vaults
unforgetable time
visions simply
melodious rhymes

I would add some punctuation, but I know you don't use it. The main idea is to to do away as much as possible with articles, pronouns, conjunctions, etc., to make it less prosy. TorT, as always, dear lady, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.