Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Luminary Grace - Villanelle
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
softly hidden in a thin veil of gray,
trying to survive in a lonely place.
Neither light nor air lives within this space
and as I searched for remnants of the day,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.
Behind a curtain of damask and lace
a lost soul struggles on to make its way
trying to survive in a lonely place.
When curtains and veils denied sweet embrace
and I quickly tried to push them astray,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.
But yet, no veil, no curtain can erase
this soul's uncovered heartache and dismay,
trying to survive in a lonely place.
When darkness dies from luminary grace,
my soul will shout, "I will no longer say -
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
trying to survive in a lonely place."
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
My attempt (sigh) at a Villanelle. Is this considered Western?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
Lavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 11:13
Good morning, Jerry!
So much to learn, a challenge and a bit of fun in the bargain! You always bring such positive energy and I appreciate your help! Onward to the Italian countryside to dance away!
Thank you!
L
(Hope I don't have a double post - issues...)
author commentLavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 11:35
Hello, Teddy
I'm so happy that you felt hope when reading this. It certainly was my intention!
Thank you, thank you!
L
author commentGracy
Thu, 2020-06-25 12:03
Hi Lavender, your villanelle
Hi Lavender, your villanelle is lovely, enjoyed every line, so deftly written. No nits, but I'm no expert. I do know that Bob Dylan's "Do not go silent into that dark night" is a villanelle. It became very popular in France and Britain. I also relate your poem to the present, when so many people are in a lonely place right now. Still, there's hope in your verses, so thanks for sharing them, all the best, Gracy
*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
Lavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 12:44
Hello, Gracy
There is much loneliness in isolation, and it seems the virus is stirring up a bit again here in the States - praying it stays contained. Thank you for reading and your lovely comments. I usually don't go too far from the free verse grid, so this was interesting to me!
L
author commentLavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 16:32
Hello, Teddy
I agree - Neopoet is a tremendous home for poets!
Thanks!
L
author commentLavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 16:30
Hello, Alan
You have been very generous with your comments, and I think your suggestion for 'astray' is perfect. This was a challenge, but also pretty fun! I happily take your opinions and advice, and appreciate the time you, and everyone here, spends helping us all become better poets!
Thank you!
L
author commentRula
Thu, 2020-06-25 16:38
Dearest Lavender
What a beautiful write dear. So coherent, as I read I found every stanza completes and goes with the before and the next part which I know is never easy plus, the theme helps perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this masterpiece dear
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Thu, 2020-06-25 17:09
Hello, Rula
I was inspired by the many vilanelles posted recently, yours included! I know so little about structured and formed poetry and even less about origins. I appreciate your help!
Thank you!
L
author comment