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Lost In Translation
The words flowing free through my fingers
Expressions of love, dark, deep, truest to the heart
Dancing atop the page, perfect and precise
A powerful force urging intent and clarity
An obstruction, distraction, a troublesome act
Struck suddenly thoughtless, the canvas formed now blank
Futile attempts to regain what was, since dissolved to dust
Forever lost in translation
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Mon, 2022-09-19 10:26
Lost in Translation
Greetings, Flower Girl,
And welcome! This poem is so elegant...almost like a ballet. The first stanza is alive and full of energy, joyful. The second, a complete opposite, full of emptiness and utter disenchantment. I'm not sure what brought on the second stanza feelings, but I don't know that it matters. It is clearly strong and significant to the artist. I see the pallet, the canvas, and the hand holding the brush - upright and swift, then suddenly downcast and weary. I can actually see the brush fall silently to the floor. Very elegant.
Thank you! Hope to read more of your work!
Lavender
Flower Girl
Mon, 2022-09-19 22:14
Hello Lavender
Hi Lavender,
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and warm welcome! With this piece, I really let loose and just let the words take over me while being in a completely calming state. This, however, changes in the second stanza as the artist is disturbed by oncoming voices and footsteps – knowing that once disrupted, their clarity and creative flow will slowly but evidently diminish. They stand there soundlessly while the world around them protrudes in the once safe space, their original idea now lost.
I actually experienced this while writing, and had to actively reform my thoughts and attempt to regain the right head state.
Again, thank you for giving the time and effort to read and critique my work, I very much
appreciate it.
- Bri :)
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-09-19 21:00
Wow!
This captures the difficulty with communication so well. You’ve so effectively communicated what failure to communicate effectively feels like. That well thought out statement that now eludes someone, lost in intentions.
Welcome to the site. I look forward to reading more.
Tim
Flower Girl
Mon, 2022-09-19 22:30
Hello Rosewood Apothecary
Thank you! Personally, I have always had trouble communicating naturally without making myself put in more effort or try to mould to someone else's comfortability. That's what I love about art, it's subjective. You can find meaning and connection to it through your own experiences and perspectives. It's through music, poetry, and art that I can really be myself and let go and let them guide me.
- Bri :)
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-09-20 12:21
I connected...
with this right away! I experience this too! Sometimes, there is that perfect thought, the way to express it and then...
because of some distraction, it is lost! Sometimes, you can retrieve it and sometimes, make it even better than it was the first time, but more often than not, you struggle just to make it okay. Well written and expressed. I guess you got it right this time!
~Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-09-23 18:31
Awesome
The sweetness of the mind has been beautifully expressed in front of us.
Excellent job!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Ray Whitaker
Sat, 2022-09-24 09:44
I really like this
It is powerfully short. Yet, conveys a powerful message. Nice work!
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