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Life Is What You Are.
There's a time to go back to live life again,
Let the boy who was fearless be reborn just the same;
Command the old man who grumbles and moans
Of the aches and the pains that torment his old bones.
Ride his bike one more time, no brakes, hands free,
Skate winter's froze pond where he knows not to be,
Go down to the river for frogs, newts, dragonfly,
Climb gnarled oaks so tall they caress azure sky.
Boot footballs, play rugby in fields full of mud.
Wash knees in ice water to clean off the blood
From kicks and from falls but never no pain
Just laughter as into the fray once again.
No laptops, no mobiles perhaps no tv,
But they were not wanted this boy he was free.
Free from an age of want yet to come
To go where he pleases till hungry then home.
From dawn until dusk he was out all around,
With his numerous pals no trouble was found,
Nor was it sought, just laughter and fun
Or maybe some girls as adolescence begun.
The old man sits straight and a smile lights his face
He'll do what he can and if he seems a disgrace?
A silly old sod who ought to know better,
By God! life's for living, he'll show he's no quitter.
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-09-23 17:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Life Is What You Are" demonstrates a clear narrative progression, moving from the past to the present and contrasting the experiences of youth and old age. The use of vivid imagery, such as "Skate winter's froze pond where he knows not to be" and "Climb gnarled oaks so tall they caress azure sky," effectively evokes the adventurous spirit of childhood.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. While some stanzas adhere to a clear ABAB pattern, others deviate from this, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the second stanza has an AABB rhyme scheme, while the third stanza has an ABCCB pattern. Establishing a consistent structure can help to create a more harmonious reading experience.
Additionally, the poem's message could be made more nuanced. The poem currently presents a somewhat idealized view of the past and a negative view of the present. While this is a common theme in poetry, it might be interesting to explore the complexities and ambiguities of these two periods in more depth. For instance, the poem could acknowledge the challenges of youth or the benefits of old age.
Finally, the poem could benefit from more precise word choices. For example, the phrase "numerous pals" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific descriptor that gives a clearer sense of the protagonist's social circle. Similarly, the phrase "some some girls" seems to be a typo and could be corrected for clarity.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and a longing for the simplicity and freedom of childhood. With some revisions to improve consistency, complexity, and precision, it could become even more impactful.
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Lavender
Tue, 2024-09-24 10:26
Life Is What You Are
Hello,Alex,
I understand and fully "get" each and every word, here. How many times I think about the young girl I used to be and would love to have that spunk and fearlessness - and so, like your poem suggests, I'll sit straight and smile and do what I can! Really enjoyed this! Thanks for the boost!
L
Alex Tanner
Tue, 2024-09-24 18:25
Thanks L.
As i approach my 81st I sometimes sit and look back. Life was fun in those distant days (for most, not all) but I don't think we realise how much till late on. There is a tv series here. The longest running anywhere I believe. " Last of the Summer Wine".
Very funny, about 3 old guys who never really grew up. Brilliant. Alex/
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-09-24 10:41
Dear Alex,
Your poem brings many glad memories to life! when did you begin to write poetry? my favorite lines are:
Ride his bike one more time, no brakes, hands free,
Skate winter's froze pond where he knows not to be,
Go down to the river for frogs, newts, dragonfly,
Climb gnarled oaks so tall they caress azure sky.
I went to the river, too. It was my friend
I think about going back to my early teens with the knowledge I have now. I would make changes in my, then, life. I would let the right people know what was happening to me.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Alex Tanner
Tue, 2024-09-24 18:30
Hello Cat
As we get older we can't do as much but splashing through deep muddy puddles is fun. (and gets some strange looks)
I only started writing poetry a couple of years ago. Before that it was all acting, adapting and directing, and jobs in between to pay for it all. Pleased you enjoyed it, now go splash in some puddles, preferably when you are alone, you'll get some strange looks. it's fun. Alex.
Clentin
Tue, 2024-09-24 18:09
I liked your poem. I also
I liked your poem. I also remember when we had no TV, rode our bikes hands free or on the handle bars of our buddies bike! Brings back old memories but also shows us that the show must go on,
Alex Tanner
Tue, 2024-09-24 18:32
Hello Clentin.
Oh yes, on the handlebars on a steep hill, screaming with joy and fright. Great days. Alex