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life is like a River see,come with me

Submitted by lovedly on Sun, 2016-07-03 05:53

I picked this up so quickly
you said river
I in hast read Lover
I thought twas a poetry
on lovers like me
So many compose on me

I follow you
do you follow me
have you ever read
my waffly poetry
do kindly
at times it s fragrance
spreads far and wide
but only at times

Someone asked me of colours
this was my view

Only the background colour
ought not to be yellow
it’s for cowards
use colours bright
red or green may be blue
the sky's everlasting hue
how did I do!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2016-07-04 02:21

judyanne's picture
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Come on, you can do better -- stop wasting your time
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

weirdelf

Mon, 2016-07-04 18:02

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Not one of your gems, Loved.
I believe you biggest problem as a poet is self-referentialism.
Try some stronger themes.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Tue, 2016-07-05 06:24

lovedly's picture

implying?????

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2016-07-05 07:47

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Your comment on Andrew's infrastructure post was irrelevant.
You have made your desires clear for a "view count", there are tech forums and blogs. Use them. You have one ally in Sparrow. Address those issues where appropriate.

You can write gems, write them. Stop flogging a dead horse.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Tue, 2016-07-05 09:36

lovedly's picture

thanks
well received
will remove this poetry
when you have read this
Jess
I admire you
I must and do confess

YOU alone
are my continued
I N S P I R A T I O N
without your
Gemology
all my poetry
would have been worthy only
of Carbonisation really
Thanks Jess to thee

LOVEDLY!

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2016-07-05 09:46

lovedly's picture

narcissistic yes I am I initially said i suffer from ego CANCER
yes I am I initially said I suffer from EGO -CANCER
since birth
incurable Sirs and madams

A referent /ˈrɛfərənt/ is a person or thing to which a linguistic expression or other symbol refers. For example, in the sentence Mary saw me, the referent of the word Mary is the particular person called Mary who is being spoken of, while the referent of the word me is the person uttering the sentence.

Two expressions which have the same referent are said to be co-referential. In the sentence John had his dog with him, for instance, the noun John and the pronoun him are co-referential, since they both refer to the same person (John).

author comment

Esker

Tue, 2016-07-05 12:07

Esker's picture

see Jane..see Dick...see them both book it away from thee!!
love...are U so isolated and lonely..then just say..
see my view of technical aspect of poetry
(insert man swiping table of paperwork..crashing
down sweet pretty adverbs...Oh there U go.thought
I was a dormant primitive precept.......Not)
I used to be a driver.......okay..101 on what a 'Driver"
is...you get a car..some funds...a passport..U meet
the ..hmmmm..brains..beautifuls....brilliants...and
interestings at the gate for pick up drop offs......
local and far away...a free agent.U work for cash..
a t-shirt..a kiss...and other...
as a freelancer...freebooter....its about intelligencia..
as a headhunter from the 90's on I was great..

the greatest thing was........irrelevant
no one want too be relagated to a scrap yard
for being Redundant...

loaded much on tilt and loads.turned much too
banks for take backs..
I lived large
Im not a dweeb
I knew the oldest hipster with keys too the
kingdom and the new locksmith youths

so

U are still relevant
but I feel have great fears
U are bright but fear
your light has faded
because
U base all on looks
rather
then what U retain
as experience
...

let us remember
that a lot of the
brilliant died young
they voiced it
and they drowned
in the excess

whereupon we
the remainder
survive

a kind of mangy
existance
but we exist

Do U think I judge
conditionally
or contest...

no..

I hate bullies
only

and for the whine
or recognition
like the greasy
wheel

if U want grease
then be deserving
for the desert is
full of those not.......
see history of most
cultures..

adapt

change
or be over run
by redundancies

Thank U!

lovedly

Tue, 2016-07-05 13:16

lovedly's picture

here only I help all of them
to tease me
it's not my folly
but my way with the world
to bring life in those who think they are cat's whiskers
how soever absurd

you will never know me
nor my world
am being all over heard

Many jealous cats pull my whiskers
I feel happy,
as they feel so
as they poor ones don't me know
nor ever shall we all know

I read you so beautifully well
as I know you are
THAMES
THE LAWRENCE OF CANADA
OR HUDSON OF USA YOU
A L O N E you F L O W
and
I love your poetry so

I am a narcissistic fool all know
knowing little poetry
as it just comes to me
from age three

I am Lovedly
not now three!
now I stand at the end of a cliff
fragile though as you say meek
a strong wind will blow me

then Loved who
will be forgone
forgot
forsaken
some will say good rubbish
the Lord has taken

then In less than 400 years
I will return to the audience then
A NEW SHAKESPEARIENCE POET
who wrote
but knew not what!
Shall hopefully be dusted
from LIBRARY cupboard's topmost floors
to be replanted for sure
and what more can I say
you know much more
coz you are a poet
I ain't so
NOT

U are still relevant
but I feel have great fears
U are bright but fear
your light has faded
because
U base all on looks
rather
then what U retain
as experience

author comment
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