Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Life In The Fatfood Lane...

Submitted by Geezer on Sun, 2012-10-07 08:39

Corpulence rolling out the super-marts
riding, pushed in the shopping carts

Extra-large fast food meals
$3.99... such big fat deals

Diet sodas and mounds of fries
stomachs distend, big as eyes

Doggy bags from Chinese buffets
there’s veggie-bars here to graze

Plates are full, drinks are brimming
dishes of meat in gravy swimming

O.K. Corral and Fatback Freddie’s
stuffed with people wearing pantie-wedgies

What a sight, cows chowing and chewing
dressed in spandex, excited mooing

I’m not sure I can take that sight
I think I’ll just stay home tonight

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Thanks to Serendipity for the idea for the title. I just had to use the play on words that it suggested. ~ Geezer
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Seren

Sun, 2012-10-07 08:49

Seren's picture

The only pick I have is with this pair

Doggy bags from Chinese buffets
there’s veggie-bars here to graze

it was the only pair that didnt rhyme

higgliest bugs JC xxx

I was meant to be in bed an hour ago lol I got caught up reading woops

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Sun, 2012-10-07 08:59

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

like it should rhyme, but it does. We say [buff-feys]. Get yourself to bed, I'm looking forward to your crits on Killer's trip to New Orleans. ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Seren

Sun, 2012-10-07 09:03

Seren's picture

Its definately a culture thing we dont say it like that lol we say it in aussie ... I do have a few thoughts on the killer poem, if I cant sleep I might get up and do them tonight its nice not to have to get out of bed at the crack of dawn ... im going to enjoy the next few months

hugz xx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Rula

Sun, 2012-10-07 12:21

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

Jayne's suggested title Geezer. Works Great I believe.

and a great capture of how things go in those rich markets and not without that sense of humor.

Chowing, first time I see to be used as a verb.I thought it a noun.
Nothing to suggest and much enjoyed really.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Geezer

Mon, 2012-10-08 09:28

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

gave me an idea for a play on words. I am a great fan of such things. Chow is a noun, but can indeed be used as a verb. Glad that you enjoyed this one, it was the product of sitting in the parking lot of the local supermarket
watching two huge-fat women pushing grocery-carts filled with food and snacks and the incongruity of the bottles of diet-soda perched precariously on the top of the loaded carts. Ah well, I guess they have to start somewhere. LOL Thanks for the read and comments, ~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.