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Late Night Munchies # II... [Random Challege #16]

Submitted by Geezer on Sat, 2022-06-04 14:12

Hand full of peanuts
ear for the blues
bottle of aged whiskey
a heart full of you

Piano keys tinkling
Strings are humming
I see the blues
Yes, they're coming

Woman always picking
Blame me everything
But she got a sweet voice
Maaaan, she can sing

Fingers tap the ivory
high notes, guitar strum
Picking those notes
against slow beating drums

Hear my strings wail
the song of love wrong
Sax howling midnight
Feelings so strong

Oh God, am I crazy?
I'm happy with you
where there's whiskey,the munchies
and a thing called the blues

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I like this one better! What do you think?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge # 16
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2022-06-04 14:14

Geezer's picture
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this one better, what about you? ~ Geez.
.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-06-04 14:19

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I like this one better than the first! it is amazing! my favorite lines:

Hear my strings wail
the song of love wrong
Sax howling midnight
Feelings so strong

I have no suggestions...you nailed it!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

scribbler

Sat, 2022-06-04 14:24

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Only critique I have is ending 2 lines with "blues". Maybe end 2nd with something like old songs?

Geezer

Sat, 2022-06-04 14:42

Geezer's picture
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think on it. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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