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Last Minute Heaven

To touch space
and shiver against
those fabric-brushed
black fields of
dismembered poppies.
To see eyes sparkle
an epitaph of love,
in shallow-paddled
darkness,
hoping serenity
stays afloat,
just one
more
minute.

Breathless
they touch…
barely,
intensity
blowing sense
into void,
as ends one
minute’s calling

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I see stars twinkling against a lovely dark backdrop. the rest is a late night discovery... I think I just had a *flashback...WOW!!!

*love & hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Damn girl you made me cry, it's been a while and I am rusty

thank you so much for reading this one

love & hugs J x

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

This poem made me started falling in love, it's sweet.

Awwww thank you so much! Glad you liked it

Nice to Meet you!

Sincerely Jayne.

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

This poem made me started falling in love, it's sweet.

Don't Ya hate double comments lol

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

Beautiful beyond description.

“To see eyes sparkle
an epitaph of love,
in shallow-paddled
darkness,
hoping serenity
stays afloat,
just one
more
minute.”

I feel like those lines are the anchor and the only suggestion I might give is to make them their own stanza making it a three stanza poem. Just a suggestion that I feel would strengthen a poem absent of flaws.

Tim

I am humbled thank you so much, this has been a poem I worked on for a very long time. I have a tendency to write like this in ertain poems of freestyle, not all as you will see. There was a poet here a few years ago called Esker (Steven) who's passed on, who also wrote like I do and he was incredibly talented, he once told me to stop doing everyone else and be me. There was also a poet and friend called Weirdelf (Jess) who was my sparing partner who's also left us another genius imho who taught me that this has become a style in recent years, I will consider changing the format, I'll play with it some. I don't draw it down the page to create a longer looking poem I do it to speak to the reader how it is in my head. OK sorry for the letter reply I am so happy you liked it!

I will be round later in my AM I will come for a visit lol

Lovely to meet you!

Sincerely Jayne-Chloe

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

This absolutely left me breathless, the whole thing...such beautiful language and vivid imagery. Neo really needs emojis so I could show how much I love this.

~RoseBlack~

Thanks so much for your very kind comment, I'm chuffed you liked it so. Yes we have needed Emoji's for years I kept telling them lol I'll be round to visit your page later I look forward to reading your work!!

So nice to meet you!!

Sincerely Jayne-Chloe

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment

Like jess
when will you kick me
so that this now
fatty really ole'y
can reach heaven smilingly
very few like you
now abide with me
@83
will you believe
Hope ur well sis
aussie

I will kick your ass or Jess will haunt me lol
Darlin I don't abide you, I truly came to love you over the years and the many times you had me tearing my hair out lol

I'm so so shrug best I can do at the minute. I will be round to visit you later when I post. I have missed you!

Goodness 83? Wow that times gone by so fast! I lost my Dad in May he was 93. I was born in his middle age crisis lol

I miss him more than anyone could know.

Love and biggest hugs J xxx

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

author comment
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