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In the Land of Chaos

In the land of chaos, women bow their heads
The frayed tapestries of dignity, hide not only
another beating, but a myriad of emotions
None of which are pleasant, but all of which have been taught
to be necessary in order to succeed in this patriarchal system
which knows no limits to cruelty
They wonder- will they be the cadavers this patriarchy violently demands?
Yet they hold it all together for their children
The children…..

In the land of chaos, the impoverished and oppressed are forgotten
as their nations’ boast a spectacular blaze of colour
dominated by tones of emerald and scarlet, to attract
the millions of tourists who will exploit
the culture, history and people of the land
Not to mention the children…….
The children…….

In the land of chaos, the ignorant tell stories and joke about
brief stints behind bars due to foolish behaviour and bad decisions
While the innocent spend years locked up for nothing other than
seeking asylum, seeking safety for themselves and their families
Their children…..
Statistically, 50% of the world’s refugees are children

In the land of chaos, the privileged are untouchable and far removed
from the daily struggles and suffering of everyone else
They are swept up by their ignorance and selfishness,
kept occupied by petty indiscretions and minor matters
In the land of chaos, the very essence of human nature
Has, for far too long, allowed and encouraged this chaos to continue
In turn, this land has continued to be the land of chaos
But if there has a been a time for change, that time is now
And if there’s ever been a reason for change
That reason is the children
The children……

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I know there is probably heaps to pick apart in terms of structure lol. I consider this to be a poem that would work better as spoken word. It even looks weird to me when I see it on the page with some lines far longer than others. The topic of the contest appealed to me, so I just wrote from the heart about some of the issues in our world today. If you have any suggestions on making the format look a bit better, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Xxx
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


I was ever so taken by this poem. where were you when I needed you at age 7 through 10???
you would have been my champion and heroine! this poem is a heart breaker to be sure... with the repeated line of:

the children
the children...

I think your poem is fine, but wait for Tim and Geezer to read and critique

*love, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you Cat for reading my poem and for your lovely comment. Your feedback is always appreciated and just as valuable as Tim and Geezer's!

author comment

any suggestions for making the format look better
This is a lengthy poem, that speaks to the heart and
you are right, it will do better as a spoken piece.
The subject is one of great distress for many around the world
and you have written well about situations In The "Land of Chaos".

You might want to rewrite the line that goes, "will they be cadaver...
I can see it written as: [Will they be the cadavers, that this patriarchy demands?]

How about instead of: "the very nature of of human nature... you say:

...the very [essence] of human nature?
Other than these couple of things, I think you have done a fine job of writing
about difficult subjects. Nice work!
~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Thanks Geezer for reading my poem and your lovely comment. You are right about those edits- I will fix it Xxx

author comment

Liked your poem. Yes, chaos abounds the world today. Hope things can change.

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