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LACKING (expanded)

Way back in my days of football
I'd don my pads and play the game
and think that I'd given my all
but now I know it's not the same.
Football never left me lame
nor made me answer reaper's call.

Then later in the free market
I'd " fight" for my market share.
In hindsight it hardly meant a single thing.
Day's end found me in my easy chair
all of my body parts still there
no war nightmares making my head ring.

But I always imagined I would be
the one who charged in a real fight
against the ones who would kill me
for a cause I knew was right.
I'll never know if this is right
or how real battle would affect me.

It never did work out that way
yet I saw and knew those who Did fight
who never did have much to say
about their long ago plight.
save when their eyes burned fierce and bright
recalling some fight from a former day.

So here I am in my old age
untested in any real battle
when men would face war's distinct rage
and comrades would utter their death rattle.
I'm just another among the timid cattle
typing useless rhymes on a blank page.

Though I reassure myself all that I can
that I'd react bravely if my country called
and have courageous memories when recalled.
When I see someone who followed a battle plan
why do I feel I am a lesser man?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Last few words: 
For Lonnie and all those on site and in the real world
Editing stage: 

Comments

of the exact message here after a few reads...
Stanza 1- what's not the same? you or the game?
Stanza 2 - your professional life..would you be in the "easy chair" if you hadn't fought in the free market?
Stanza 3-That you believed would have been a soldier if circumstances were such
Stanza 4- that you knew someone? who was a soldier but didn't say much about it. unclear.
Stanza 5- now an old man you feel somehow "untested"
Stanza 6-and in the end feel lesser for it

As the wise John Adams said, he studied war so his sons had the liberty to study philosophy and poetry. Perhaps you are the "spoils of war."
I think you have to go deeper into it in this poem, and try to connect the action of each stanza, tell us more about the time period, what action, what you felt you missed. I'm just not feeling it in this poem. I doesn't feel like "the red badge of courage", an old man who wished he'd experienced bravery in the insanity of battle.To what end?
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

It may well be that this poem needs to be longer in order to get message across. I'll think about that before I edit. This was written as a modern day response to the Shakespearian speech about St. Crispins day.

author comment

After thinking about your poem, I looked back on this one, which is edited.I would have referred you to it to continue the conversation on my personal page. But noticed if I edit the poem becomes re posted on the home page and I don't want that to happen. So apology for presenting it here...but based on the recent amount of comments listing in the site, not sure it matters. But the ideas are in direct response to your poem, and i'm curious as to your response

THE SPOILS OF PEACE
“I must study politics and war, that my sons may have the liberty to study philosophy” -John Adams

I massacred the enemy soldiers
With cardboard swords and plastic guns,
Waving flags of cotton candy-
But I never trained or saw the battlefield.
In truth, what do I really know of war?
What lament can I add to centuries
Of odes to warriors’ graves
Without a rude arrogance?

Genuine blood spills on the ground
From the molten core of men’s hate;
Rage like lava fills their veins!
Yet I sit in this comfortable garden
And contemplate, and contemplate.

The last world war is forgotten to statistics.
The hated foes are now our friends,
The veterans commemorate the cemeteries,
And salute the enemy’s bravery.

Blessed are philosophers! Our pilgrimage
To find some morality of the mind-
Am I not the victor that won the spoils?
I salute only to scrolls and spoken words,
And as commanded by ancient priests,
To question all that’s written on the wall.

Yet inexplicably I see the latest war films,
With my fellows wearing 3D glasses,
Ashamed by my suspended disbelief
Which turns to myth the soldiers’ graves.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I like it. I'd considered writing my poem in free verse so as to have more freedom in getting message across but then decided that rhyme Might make a few lines more memorable. Thanks for going to the trouble of posting this excellent poem on the same contemplation......stan

author comment
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