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A King's Folly

So it was Ulric, the Heathen King who rode on a black warhorse.
The ten thousand men he led, all giants from the north..

Savages who lived for the kill, raid and plunder.
Such was their cruelty , that they spread a reign of fear.

Undefeated in many battles, they became so arrogant
that they thought they were invincible after many seasons,

Yet the worst was their king who claimed to be God,
demanding to be worshipped when he was a mortal lord..

When the Winds of Change turned against him,
he saw his good fortunes were slipping away

His mighty army succumbed to a dessert's heat.
Driven half-mad by hunger and thirst, they faced defeat

Still King Ulric refused to yield to fate's decree,
he ordered them to continue their march hastily

In a moment of rage, they rebelled against him.
They left him alone with nothing to rot for his sins

In his last breath, the king pleaded for mercy
but the souls of his victims neither forget nor forgive

Thus he was forced to face his own mortality
and the punishment for his own folly...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Editing stage: 

Comments

before spring campaigns
when many carry young over winter
ploughshares or swords

i was young once
drew away from the council of god
and was brought humbled
many times
by my own hand

hunger rests not in the
forge of the gut
but in the mind
and loins
of yearning

arrogance and cruelty
thirst and lonliness
for all the defiance
and unrepentant
want

i am mortal
the mortal part of me

but i am man
borne to die

this poem i greatly
admire

my thanks for the visit
and the kind comments
i'm glad you liked it
till we meet again, my friend

author comment

Thanks for posting this poem which unfolded for me the story of King Ulric, especially because I know next to nothing about History or Mythology, which are my weaknesses.

Nicely crafted poem. I would only like to draw your attention to the "tenses". In the context of this poem it should be in past tense, whereas through oversight you have at times used present tense, which you may want to re-look at.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Let me clarify that this piece has nothing to do with real history. I chose the name Ulric because it sounded like a Viking name and yes, I have read that they were brutal warriors who worshipped the old Gods. I do a twist with the idea from the story of Moses or Musa in accordance to the Muslim version.The pharoah in that story is a self- proclaimed God.

Alid

author comment

Didn't the Samarians have a story of a baby in the rushes.
Can't remember where I read it but it was near the same as the biblical story.
So whose history is it, not that it matters one iota.
Today it is clear that the biblical journeys and most of the stories from that era have been distorted to please the ones that read them..
It is about time we ran the world for the sake of Mankind not for the greedy and money lenders of this world.
In this world we have enough food for all and a technology that could make all people rich in a comfortable way of life, yet we still make Guns.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I agree that we should live in this life for the sake of goodness. In my opinion, a rich life belongs to those who are content. You can have a million dollars but if you are not content, than your life is still poor while a man who leads a simple life and is content is rich. That does not mean that one should not seek self-betterment, it just means that if one is at peace with his life and is happy, than it is a rich life, one that is worth living...
As for the guns, if it is used to uphold the law or defend oneself, I see no wrong in it. This world is not the paradise, so we should never expect it not to be filled with negativity, Its a place for trials..

Alid

author comment
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