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Just Lend Me (Finally)

Submitted by lovedly on Sun, 2019-01-06 12:05

Your eyes
your vision
your shyness
okay coyness
one I may see
a face full of smiles
that gives me
an immense glee

then upon your eyebrows
plant a kiss before I flee
as you shower a basket full
of blush
as you crush for me

give me an extraordinary smile
that I can secretly hide
within the inner folds
of all I sincerely desire
caged in my heart's
special corner for ever

just lend me the love
that you upon millions shower

O Lord of heavens who promotes
all love and inner volcanic fire
for those who love your form entire

but not only in dreams at night
they with exhilaration of happiness
also perspire
as you show your inner self
only to those
who you alone admire

Lend me your form
for just a moment
it's just my wish
my intensely burning desire

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Fri, 2019-01-11 03:23

Roscoe Lane's picture

A very good and imaginative poem, thoroughly enjoyed this. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

lovedly

Fri, 2019-01-11 03:42

lovedly's picture

I was awaiting such a gesture
glad you enjoyed it
'tis my pleasure

author comment

Eumolpus

Sun, 2019-01-13 21:04

Eumolpus's picture

your poem has that deep emotion of Hopkins, pleading to know the face of divinity, or George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" .
Although my personal feeling is like the scribble on the wall at Auschwitz, "if there is a god he will have to beg his forgiveness from me", but I do respect others to whom faith is an urgent need. Your desire for personification is sincere, (if not a bit pagan, which is fine by me!). I hope you find what you seek, or as Rumi put it, "What you seek is seeking you."
The only line I would very much consider is " as you flush for me". despite the many possible meanings, common language leads us to the bathroom with the word "flush" and it is a distraction.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

lovedly

Tue, 2019-01-15 12:20

lovedly's picture

Thanks
I feel yor feelings
shall reconsider the elemental ''flush''
Just returned from abroad
shall when I recover from tiredness
Sir NEOPLUS

author comment

lovedly

Sat, 2019-01-19 08:50

lovedly's picture

I have read RUMI today, as you did mention and edited the poem. Hope it meets the parallel bars
now
is it a GEM let me ask jess

author comment
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