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Just A Dream

Submitted by Candlewitch on Fri, 2022-05-20 08:04

Just A Dream

but...
I saw it!
said the youngest girl,
no, you are dreaming
they replied
conspiratorially,
one and all.
the fox is in the hen house
killing all he finds!
exclaimed the girl...
no, all is well,
they chorused
she shook her head,
YES...
I saw him go in
she cried!
it is just
a trick
of your mind
they admonished,
how can you rock our boat
with the telling of such lies?
now take yourself
off to bed!
give her
Thorazine,
to knock her out
brother-in-law restrain her
while mom forces the pill
in her trembling mouth
when she awakens
she'll know
it was but a dream!

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2022-05-20 08:38

A story told...

I applaud the telling of this tale. Too bad there wasn't a "Anubis" then, he would have come to rescue the hens in the henhouse. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-05-21 07:25

thank you Boys,

for your nurturing thoughts, they are greatly appreciated. worse yet, I was told that if I told anyone about the scuffle to get me knocked out...the authorities would put me in a home for incorrigible children. then they described the horrors of it. I didn't know what "incorrigible" meant, but I knew it was bad. the Thorazine, was sent to mom from her brother "the doctor" living several states away. he was told lies about how terrible and dangerous I was. which turned into gossip through out the family...so, you guessed it, I was branded and banned from "decent" and desirable company (equals no family) they threatened to have my Dad institutionalized for his drinking... funny thing, he never missed a day of work. this threat made me more violent. it was like teasing and taunting an animal into to respond in rage and then tranquilizing it. so...I wish you had been there to help me.

*huge hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Race_9togo

Fri, 2022-05-20 16:50

Hello.

I like this very much. Nice title, consistent flow, and as usual, great language use and cadence.
I was a little thrown by some of the abruptness when I first read it, but when I spoke it aloud, that abruptness became entirely right, so don't change the structure at all.
And I do like the theme very much, forcing someone who sees reality to change that perception to suit others.
Good stuff Cat, keep it coming!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-05-21 07:30

dear friend Race,

thank you for your concise critique. it heartens me. I do appreciate you!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Ifeanyichukwu O...

Fri, 2022-05-20 17:33

Poor girl

Poor girl going through hard time. Hope she recovers from her mental challenge. She needs more warmth of love and not Thorazine!

I love the story-line.

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-05-21 07:41

thank you

dear

Ifeanyichukwu O...

the girl grew up to have a split personality due to extreme trauma and would see a shrink for many years. and be on medication for the rest of my life. and have a sleep disorder. I wake up at the drop of a pin, as I sleep very lightly.
thank you for your concern, very nice of you.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

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Just A Dream