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Jayne

Submitted by alidzain on Sun, 2015-09-27 02:31

You're the light
in my eyes.
You're the beauty
of a baby's smile.

You paint a world
of paradise,
the colours that lit
my night.

You show me that you're steel,
you will never ever kneel.
No matter how you feel,
believe that you can heal.

You know you are not alone.
Let my love guide you home.
'cos this is what friends are for!
this is what friends are for!

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Dearest, Jayne. This poem came to me after I listened to ''Love Me Like You Do'' sung by Ellie Gouldinv, so you see the beginning is not very original. lol. However, that does not mean that the words are not what I want to say. The reason I am searching ideas from songs is to find the best way to relate to you what I feel inside because you are very special to me. You're a rare gem and I loved you very much, my friend.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft