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It's Happening Again!

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2014-11-18 15:32

This IS Madness, I say!
I wish it will go away
but the error in connection,
keeps haunting me for no reason!

"Website cannot be displayed?
Is this some sick joke, mate?"
I asked my computer
but I get no answer.

My patience grows thin
as the seconds tick away.
Why do I keep stumbling
for two whole days?

Help me, friend,
I'm at my wits end.
The problem keeps repeating,
making me feel like weeping.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Rula

Tue, 2014-11-18 16:41

Rula's picture
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now.
Shall come back to this with fresh eyes tomorro Insha'a Allah.
It's forty five past one here. Tooooo late. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
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alidzain

Tue, 2014-11-18 17:10

alidzain's picture

The problem still exist. It is only because I have saved my neopoet user account as a bookmark that I can have a chance to be here after some struggling.

Alid

author comment

Rula

Wed, 2014-11-19 11:01

Rula's picture
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Khalid or your computer? Hope things get better soon.
I know the feeling when you're hooked to the place.
I'd only suggest replacing "crying" with "weeping" as it rhymes better with repeating, but not a big deal.
I like the spontaneity of this.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

alidzain

Wed, 2014-11-19 11:41

alidzain's picture

It's still not okay.:(

Alid

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