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Intimacy

Clock strikes ten
It is time for bed
You lay down beside me
On my pillow you rest your head
On your right shoulder
My head, I fondly place
You lower your eyes
And look at my face

Your eyes look amused
Smile dances on the lips
When I touch the curls
On your chest with finger tips
It feels so perfect
Too good to be true
I tremble with joy
My veins, as it runs through

All though it all feels
So marvellously right
I know it’s only a dream
One I’ve seen every night
I don’t dare flick my eyes
I’d snap out, I fear
From this wonderful sweet dream
I’ve seen too many years

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Comments

Alternate titles-
"Intimacy"
or
"Intimations of Intimacy"
?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you Jess. Yes! I like your 1st suggestion 'Intimacy' as the title. Pls tell me how I can make the change.
Cheers.

author comment

I've managed to make the change in the title. Thanks again Jess.

author comment

and welcome to Neopoet!

You have penned a sweet dream for the reader to partake of. A hint of sadness at the end:

I don’t dare flick my eyes
I’d snap out, I fear
From this wonderful sweet dream
I’ve seen too many years

Nice title you have chosen with Jess' help. I'm wondering if this line:
"It’s time to go to bed"
could be changed to:
It's time for bed"
I just think it sounds better, but it is your opinion that counts. I like the content, as I'm a sucker for a well written love poem. :)

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I agree that the 2nd line sound very childish and should be changed. I think it'll sound better if it's changed to go as 'It is time for bed'. Yes, there is sadness at the last part although most of my friends wanted me to go on giving more details of the dream. ; )
Luv

author comment

you are so intimate

that's what I thought
as I stepped forward
my chest seemed to be caught
in the lengthy nails
I imagined to be, too true
yes that's true,
then a side twists of my body
upon yours curvaceous
jerked me off
as you tried to too,
but sudden transformation of a reality,
to a dream that now say you,
made me go down the corridors
naked to scream
foul play upon my nerves
I did display,
how could you place
my thoughts in disarray?
to calm me down to look like a fool
Imagining in my dreams
Sweety twas really you

loved

Sorry for provoking your thoughts and finally making you feel like a fool. But I thoroughly enjoyed your version of the dream and feel previledged to be your inspiration. This poem is really good and I simply love it!
Cheers!

author comment

Sorry for provoking your thoughts and finally making you feel like a fool. But I thoroughly enjoyed your version of the dream and feel previledged to be your inspiration. This poem is really good and I simply love it!
Cheers!

author comment

sorry 4 the belated acknowledgement write more

loved

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