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ingrained memory only

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2014-10-15 23:09

A memory ingrained only

I remember the one ....
since long gone...
she left all forlorn...
gave birth to two..
then left all including him and me too ....

she was a darling love once...
but was fooled in by a dunce ....
she gave in to him..
left memories only ...
sad story ...

she was young ....
I couldn't help her even once..
she wouldn't listen...

I knew the guy was with
many others too ...
sad she left only memories....
sad she left the world too....
sad she left many bereft only ...
sad she couldn't listen to me too...
the only well wisher she ever had..
TIS VERY VERY SAD
end of sad story

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-10-17 04:17

Ian.T's picture
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This one is to open, it needs a little more.
From where I sit it would seem to be a Child talking of his Mother having left him behind, but could be clearer, and somehow would help others know if they were ever forgiven.
There would be much more to this one even if you wrote it in several parts, from being a young child to an adult showing the life's effect of this.
See I do read lol.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lovedly

Fri, 2014-10-17 11:39

lovedly's picture

kindly reread from a perspective of two lovers then try and decipher a poetry is one where million seeds spurt this is such a one i guess

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