Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Indomie (My love affair with junk foods)

It all started like this,
After I left my Mom,
Indomie told me, that she love me
That she will protect me from hunger.

Indomie is a tall preety noodle
And she always visit me with carrots and green beans
But I was already crushing on EBA before now
Though EBA was slow, but my mom's favourite.

Every morning, afternoon and evening
We make calls, and I place orders
Indomie was caring, fast and sweet
Always available when am hungry
But I noticed she was killing me slowly

My stomach now rumbles
In disagreement with my anus
Though sweet you are, but my body you've weakened.
Now I know you want to kill me.

But the issue is
how do I stop loving you,
How do I run away from you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
EBA is a Nigerian food made with cassava mostly eaten with different varieties of Nigerian soup
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

look up the title word and the meaning of it, before I could make a determination of what to say about your title. I guess that in Nigeria, it would be instantly be recognizable as a food. I am guessing that it is a sweet thing that quells your hunger, but without much substance or nutrition. My suggestion is, that you use it as a dessert! A thing that you have as a reward for eating properly! Other than the confusion of the words in your title and the EBA, I liked your tale. It ran [pretty] smoothly from beginning to end. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.