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Inaction

Past
Actions
Can be seen
In great detail
Showing how we fail
Crying for what we did
Beating us up each new day
Never stopping to create change
Never thinking about what could be
To make tomorrow a successful day

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Inaction" explores the consequences of failing to take action and make changes in one's life. The use of short, concise lines and repetition of the words "never" and "past" create a sense of urgency and regret. The image of being beaten up each new day is powerful and impactful.

One line edit that could be made is changing "Beating us up each new day" to "Beating ourselves up each new day." This change emphasizes the idea that the consequences of inaction are self-inflicted.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys its message and encourages readers to take action in their own lives. The use of repetition and vivid imagery make it a memorable and thought-provoking piece.

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Thank you , you are right. I did make the change.

author comment

Hello, Clentin,
Your title adds so much - kind of a reverse thought process which really adds to the meaning of the poem. I like the language and the style. This is an Etheree, correct? The suggestion AI gave you - "beating ourselves up each new day" has 8 syllables, and that particular line, if the poem is an Etheree, should have seven, like your original line. Perhaps take out the word "new"? Like many of your other poems, this leaves me with much to think over.
Thank you!
L

The wording sounded better but you are right. It should be 7 syllables Etheree is more correct with 7.
Thank you

author comment

Man I’m taking such a long time learning that mistakes are only mistakes if they aren’t lessons and lessons aren’t learned by a prolonged rumination over said mistakes.

Awesome job
Tim

Thank you for reading and your comments

author comment
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