Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
IMPACT CRATER
A hollow type of dull low sound
followed by acorns shaken from oak trees
which bounce off the wet red ground
which has just begun to now unfreeze.
All the wildlife has gone still
at having felt this minor shake,
hardly sensed beyond this hill,
an unrecorded mini-quake.
Impact ripples cross the beaver pond.
They form then they disappear
hardly breaking surface tension's bond.
One single snort from a near deer.
I see this from a lowly point of view
while waiting for knee pain to pass.
I'll tell you now that this is through
I slipped and fell down on my ass.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2016-03-01 00:14
Love it,
Love it, Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Tue, 2016-03-01 08:22
lol
based on a true story lol........stan
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2016-03-01 20:38
That was...
some impact! Laughed my ass off! I've slipped and fallen in the woods myself and although my small frame didn't leave a crater, the woods did get still and I thought that I could hear the stifled snickers of a mob of crows! Loved this one! ~ Gee.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Wed, 2016-03-02 08:45
Hi Geeze
It's too bad that so much of my stuff is based on actual experiences. About a month ago I WAS walking in the damp wood and somehow managed to slip on an unseen slick spot. Still don't know how I fell on both bad knee and ass at same time (must be limber when I fall lol). So I laid there a few minutes waiting before seeing if I'd Really messed up knee. Luckily pain resided and I slowly got up and shambled back to truck. Friends and family found out about it and I got chewed out by 4 different people for walking alone in the woods ...............stan
author commentSeren
Wed, 2016-03-02 07:09
Serendipitous
I saw a meteor last night I actually saw the flames .. freaked me out for a Milli second lol
love this one Bro biggest smile what more can I say I tried to find something to suggest but your getting too damned good, perfection is at hand
love and hugs Sis xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
scribbler
Wed, 2016-03-02 08:49
You
are just getting soft hearted in "old" age lol. I think I saw something on the news about a fireball in Australia. I thought it was some guy with tabascoe sauce on his privates lol. I've only ever seen one fireball about 2-3 years ago while driving back from a hunting trip. I'm always glad to bring a smile to your face and thanks for dropping by..........stan
author comment