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I'm tired
Aches all over,
Tears absorbed by my pillow,
I'm tired of the state of the world.
The great giant lies asleep,
And people, nothing but sheeps in a den of lions.
Dreams like the dead withered ashes.
Ashes, Ashes... Nothingness, Darkness in Anxiety's breath
I wonder when this fate shall be reborn.
Is there sun after the rain?
Will we gain these faded colours again?
Untill then I weep,
I groan,
I cry,
For there's nothing in the sky.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Today, society continues to scare me that I worry about what the future lies. I hope that the sun shall shine again.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Warrior Princess
Sun, 2022-07-17 19:25
Hi Phaizee I felt the
Hi Phaizee I felt the despondency, hopelessness and frustration in your poem. It seems as if you could not even find the hero within yourself to face the challenges of this world. It seems like people around you cannot be trusted and so you wallow in tears with your frustration. This piece was emotionally felt by me.
Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "
Phaizee
Fri, 2022-07-29 06:30
Thank you so much. I wanted
Thank you so much. I wanted to show a sad tone in the piece.
Yoonmin21
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2022-07-17 20:39
I think
This is our first interaction. I also think the same way about the world and I also write to express it.
Overall it’s a good poem. I do wonder if the colors will return.
Nice job,
Tim
Phaizee
Fri, 2022-07-29 06:32
Thank you so much. Yes where
Thank you so much. Yes where darkness is there is always light.
Yoonmin21
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2022-07-17 20:39
I think
This is our first interaction. I also think the same way about the world and I also write to express it.
Overall it’s a good poem. I do wonder if the colors will return.
Nice job,
Tim
RoseBlack
Sun, 2022-07-17 21:56
A good write
The feelings of despair, hopelessness and exhaustion were conveyed in an eloquent way. Good job
~RoseBlack~
Phaizee
Fri, 2022-07-29 06:33
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
Yoonmin21
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