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I'm Lost

Submitted by hobo on Mon, 2010-12-06 22:28

Lost in a world
That I don’t know
That I just don’t understand
Everyone is trying
To be someone
Someone they are not
Success is judged
By how much we have
As a people
As a nation
Children going hungry
To help support tax cuts
For people who don’t need them
Everyone cries
They are not responsible to help
The world is full of Cains
And no one seems Able
And the king of nothing
Writes another poem
Because he doesn’t know
What else to do

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

hobo

Mon, 2010-12-06 22:29

hobo's picture

hello everyone I am back again, this time for a whole week. I am beat and I will try and do some commenting tomorrow. I hope everyone likes it

hobo

You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

author comment

lou

Tue, 2010-12-07 02:17

lou's picture

This is rather a dark poem for you, good job.

You popped your dark cherry . Lol

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

mand

Tue, 2010-12-07 03:40

mand's picture
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It's a topsy turvy world we live in - none of it seems to make much sense.

We are just small fish in a vast ocean.

I enjoyed reading this little gem

Love Mand xxxxxxxxx

Psyve

Tue, 2010-12-07 05:23

Psyve's picture

Enjoyed this one.

I particularly liked your word play in:

. "The world is full of Cains
. And no one seems Able..."

That was nicely put. Your subtle self-reference at the end was also appropriate and well said: it nicely closed out the sense of " What difference will MY actions make" that seemed to me to be the theme of this poem:

. "And the king of nothing
. Writes another poem
. Because he doesn’t know
. What else to do..."

Thank you for sharing.

Psyve

scribbler

Mon, 2010-12-13 19:00

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Amazing that as individuals we know what is right but as a country via politicians we haven't a clue..........scribbler

Candlewitch

Fri, 2011-04-01 11:29

Candlewitch's picture
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I very much like and agree with Scribbler's remark on your poem. We are a nation of lost peoples.

always, Cat

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