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I Watched You Die

I cried as I watched you die

I kept hoping it was a lie

You slowly slipped away

With not a single word to say

I hurt but did not show

I wanted no one to know

I hid all my tears inside

To no one did I confide

Like bitter drops of rain

They slowly turned into pain

A pain quickly consuming me

I am no longer who I use to be

I keep everything to myself

Since that night that you left

I still cannot but help wonder why

I was the one who had to watch you die

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
My Mom died at home in her bed on July 7th 2012 I was at her bedside when it happened.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

critique for this one, just a few words that might help. I am sure that no one wants to die alone. It was you that was chosen
amongst all others, to watch over her until she passed. Sad, but such an honor! I only wish that I could have been there to watch over my own mother who died just recently. But my sister was! She said that it was peaceful and no struggle, "She slowly slipped away" Be glad that you were there for her, in her time of need. I'm sure that she was grateful. ~ Geezer.
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Thanks Geezer. My Mom died of cancer and it was hard to watch a strong woman slowly deteriorate.

author comment

I understand how a person can feel sorry for themselves to watch another being die, and that death can be a scary thought for many people. I would like to see at least half of the poem showing sympathy for the one dying. It would greatly increase it's readability and would help the reader understand what happened to the dying person. Example might be a thought about the things she did for you, the way breakfast smelled on Sunday morning, the struggles she had raising you...

I liked the rhyming by the way.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Thanks for reading and the suggestion Thomas.

author comment

A beautiful and honest write. I am sure your presence brought comfort and peace to your mother. She knew you loved and cared for her right until the end.

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Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

Thanks RoseBlack

author comment
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